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139

Can I write you every day? I don't know. A poem might be just two lines or it might be a lifetime.

It might be a confession or it might be a concession. It might be an ask or it might be a tell.

How would I know what these words want from me to ask of you?

How can I turn this thing into action? Suppress vulgar me and find salvation in transcendent you.

Is it the other way 'round? Maybe I'm the base and you're the acid I'm meant tone down.

Or I'm just another whore. And maybe, just maybe you're a proper locked door.

Can I write you every day? I don't know. A poem might be just two lines or it might be a lifetime. It might be a confession or it might be a concession. It might be an ask or it might be a tell. How would I know what these words want from me to ask of you? How can I turn this thing into action? Suppress vulgar me and find salvation in transcendent you. Is it the other way 'round? Maybe I'm the base and you're the acid I'm meant tone down. Or I'm just another whore. And maybe, just maybe you're a proper locked door.
[–] • 1 pt

It might be a confession or it might be a concession.

Best couplet of the year

[–] • 1 pt

I'm humbled by your praise.

[–] • 1 pt

I'm humbled by your praise.

It is just a great rhyme and meter.

My urge to steal rhyming 'confession' with 'concession' is incredibly indicative of that. It feels so natural, like, why the fuck didn't I think of that?

Regardless, all great rhymes and writings seem obvious once you have already seen them written.

It was truly a dank poem.

[–] • 1 pt

I don't recall where I read it, but it has been said that every generation of poetry is a revision or criticism of the one before.

Looking at my writing from 15 years ago I can now clearly see that what I thought was original was really just riffing on (or ripping off) what I was reading and listening to 5 or 10 years before.

Given enough time you'll forget the poem but remember the rhyme and write it as your own. I, for one, will be glad for it to happen.

[–] • 1 pt (edited )

Sometimes when I listen to the silence it still speaks to me. ,I made some changes that I think are an improvement. As I value your opinion I thought I'd ask for it.

Can I write you every day? I don't know. A poem might be just a single line or it might be a lifetime.

It might be a confession or it might be a concession. It might be the last thing that you want to hear or it might be the only thing that you hold dear.

It might be an ask. It might be a tell. It might a guardian mask through your darkest hell.

How would I know what these words might be; what they might ask of you; what they demand of me?

How can I trust this thing to tell you what I might see? My vulgar self. The salvation that you might be.

Is it the other way 'round? Maybe I'm the base and you're the acid I'm meant tone down.

Your forgotten past forgetting to come 'round. My want for a future unbidden and unbound.

Or I'm just another whore. And maybe, just maybe you're a proper locked door.

[–] • 1 pt (edited )

Or I'm just another whore. And maybe, just maybe you're a proper locked door.

Stockholm Syndrome all aside, I'll keep that sympathetic whore, Locked inside,

Forgetting, How long, I left her, Bidden, and Bound,

I had taken the Acid, and attempted, to tone it down, Down to the base-ment, to neutralize her frown,

Can I trust what she might be? The damnation, of my pure self? A human, a demon? A damned shape-shifting elf?!?

Words demanded, 'Let me go, let me go!' Asking me, For desires, I already know.

Her darkest Hell, with her whimpering mask, She has the gall to tell, She has the gall to ask,

All she held dear, or it might be the only thing, I allowed her to hear, Was my lovely confession, She was the only one I cared for, that was my concession.

And it all started out, with a single line, I asked her a lonesome question, and she said, it would be fine,

"Would it be okay, if, maybe, just... Can I write you, every day?"

[–] • 0 pt

Apologies, I didn't actually gibs you any criticism, but just tried to respond to your poem instead

[–] • 1 pt

Read in a certain light your response is a criticism. I find it helpful anyway.