I never thought she was ugly or crude, but my 'friends' did, and often told me so. She was short, very short, maybe 5'2" on a good day, with unruly short brown curls that made an unattractive sort of white person Afro. Her short unruly brown curls were because she recently had to cut off her dreadlocks for her job, and she had gotten in trouble for her recent Halloween costume. She went full blackface as "Lil' John" with her dreads. It was 2013. She was a cardiac nurse. And she had huge tits. ---- We first met at the neighborhood dive bar I used to read at after work. I knew who she was, and we had occasionally spoken, but one night, it was just me and her, and she was always an antsy, very social bitch. Being 2013, I was reading 'Game of Thrones' on my Amazon Kindle, marveling at how much better this digital content made my life, when her short ass sidled up to me. "Wanna hear a riddle?" I told her I did not. She proceeded to tell me a riddle, something I had heard before, something about a man found hanging himself with no chair underneath him, only a puddle of water. "Was he standing on a block of ice?" I said. "Wow, I knew you must be really smart, reading books on an Amazing Ken Doll at a bar instead of talking to the people around you." Holy Fuck. She made me laugh more than any other woman ever has. She had a gift for purposefully playing dumb and mispronouncing words to get humor out of them, while making fun of you. Amazon Kindle --> Amazing Ken Doll is still one of my favorite word play jokes of all time. We talked, and flirted some more. Eventually she asked me if I wanted to come back to her house, she was baby-sitting her friends snake and had to feed it. Later in our relationship, we would argue over whether she was actually flirting with me, or is I was just interested in watching her feed a mouse to the snek. Both were true. *Part two after this*