He was supposed to hit lightspeed and then turn back to earth. Now unexpectedly he was traveling so fast 3 galaxies were in his wake and he couldn't stop the chain reaction and the ship was increasing in speed still. He though had company, 4 ships of unknown origin had matched his speed and were flying just 30 ft from his hull.

Holy fuck they were going fast.

The ships, which were so close to him, insanely close to him, seemed to be glowing violet and orange all around.

What did that mean? Tachyon particle emissions? A true Quark-Drive?

His intercom opened up without him accepting the hail.

"You like our sweet lights, faggot? They glow in colors your Earthling eyes couldn't comprehend, that's how we get intergalactic girls wet AS FUCK!!!"

Was this some sort of ploy to trick him? The United Federation of Solaris has never encountered an extraterrestrial species. How could they even know how to speak English?

"We intercept your signal, Earth-Fag! We watch *FAST AND FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT *!"

Well, this was confusing. He was only testing the first Warp Drive.

"You Earthling Nigger! We Also Intercept X-Box Live communications from early 2000's! We know exactly how you Homos speak to each other! Now race me, N00B h0mo! we r totally 1337! Otherwise we obliterate homo earth!"

So, at that point, he had one choice, and one choice only.

He raced.

Her breast heaved with excitement. Her skin was covered in goosebumps and she could feel everything around her with her skin alone that was hot and glistening.

She was surrounded by men in elaborate Venetian masks, each of which were unique, and all of them intricately crafted, some made from Ivory, others from Ebony, but all of them were studded with expensive baubles and jewels.

Some of these masks sported terrifying frowns and narrowed eyes, giving the wearer's a constant gave of unrepentant malevolence. But those were not the worst among them, the worst were those that sported a constant and unchanging smile, which made the wearer's more able to hide there potentially questionable intentions.

But this was her initiation, the Illuminati sex ritual which would elevate he to another level of society, a level of wealth which was unknown towards normal people. She had heard much of these people, heard that perhaps the Illuminati was thin guise for Jewish supremacy, but it did not matter now. Those masked men would have there way with her, and there was no turning back now. Cloaked all red velvet, she had no idea about the men who would be taking her...

The first one took out his member, and brought it towards her face.

And it was black...

Perhaps a little unexpected, but certainly she had heard the allegations of people like Jay-Z and Beyonce being involved with the hidden world of Illuminated Masters, and 33rd Degree Masons.

Then all the rest of the men surrounding her revealed themselves, and their bodies and penises were black as well...

"W-Wait, are all members of the Illuminati black?"

"Aww, come on, huney, you didn't really think all 'dem memes about black folks being Kangz wuz jus' made up? Naw, we axtually wuz Kangs, 'n' shieet. We dun built sum Pyramoids, and gotz Anzcient Knowladge!"

"I just thought people of black color..."

She rethought her words. If these truly were the people running the Globalist Economy, she had better chose her next words carefully.

"Wut the fuck u tryin' to say aboutz people of our color? You juss' say 'You People' you racist ass crackah bitch?!?!?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't know that that would offend you!"

The tallest man, with the most elaborate Venetian Mask, took it off, slowly, to reveal a toothy smile, a black face with perfectly white teeth.

"Dat's what you white bitches need to understand. Ya'll dumb asses thought dat the Jews was playin' yall the entire time, when we been pimpin' ya'll out since day one. I am a Nigger, and the Jews are my puppets. I come from the Ancient line of Kings, do not forget that."

"I'm sorry..."

"Bitch, you ain't sorry! If you wuz sorry, I would have Rep-Ar-A-SHUNS!"

She apologized once more.

And then he laughed...

"See, dat's why we rule over ya'll, and dat's why we win over the Jews."\

"Now all we have to do is rebuild the Ancient Kingdoms of Africa"

As he crawled out from hole under the concrete he froze. Off in the distance something glittered in the periphery. A roaring sound approached, slowly increasing in pitch. It was now or never.

OH FUCK!

He had killed most of the losing pitbulls in his fighting stables, and dumped them down into his secrete concrete Dog-Dumping silo. That included the puppies.

But the mother bitch had not forgotten.

She still had on her Rhinestone-studded collar which he had given her, which glittered in the distance as she ran towards him.

He had just terminated most of her puppies, as she had proven that her blood was not a true champions line.

The first, most promising puppy she had given birth to had just had his neck ripped out by scrawny weakling, a runt of a dog. Thus, the rest of the puppies had to be drowned in the well.

But the mother bitch was still running towards him.

If he climbed up from the top of the well fast enough, he would be able reach his pepper spray, and deter here. It was just another few steps...

And then the Mother-Bitch reached him, biting his face, and knocking himself, along with her, down into the depths of the well.

And all he could feel as face bled-out, was wet puppy fur touching his hands.

Well, the neighbors keep on looking at me, through my window.

It's disgusting, actually.

They insist on watching me all the time.

You see, I live in a row-house right next to them, in a fucking city. A major city.

And I have the unfortunate curse of having a Vitamin D deficiency. I ain't proud of it. I was borne with it.

So unfortunately, I got real light, what you might even call, Pasty, skin. And I don't get enough Vitamin E. Or D, was it? My doctor told me, but that's secondary.

Regardless,.the lack of the vitamins means I need more sunlight, so I take down my curtains, and I stand naked, like I should?

Dr's orders,. right?

And here I am,. doing what Doctor tells me, when suddenly, there two peeping Tom's, a man and his wife, start looking at me through their window! Real twisted, I tell ya!

They even called the cops afterwards. Probably had some sort of arrest fetish.