A Critique on Smedleys_Butler-1's "A tribute to Blackbeard', and an Criticism of the Status of the Modern Poal Poetry Landscape

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There are few who are more currently prominent in the Poal poetry community than , from herein, referred to simply as Smedley.

Who could forget his classics, from the oddly somber , to the more modernistic . This man seems to have a mastery of all forms of media.

But I am here to review a single piece, .

Here is the entirety of poem, reprinted without the consent of the author, because I am quite forceful with my poetic criticism:

Imagine being one of Blackbeard's buccaneers

Prepping his hat before a raid with matches, set it alight so he can scare hostages with a smoking face

Imagine all the meals seasoned with gunpowder

How many times a day you have to soak your dick with rum

Due to fucking coastal girls with STDs

"Blackbeard, why you gotta capture all these nigger slave ships? They're eating all the watermelon", you say exhausted while endlessly playing the concertina for him

You get a reprieve in the crow's nest

While he rants about Queen Anne's revenge on the poop deck

Then he orders you to shoot seagulls for dinner

No one likes seagulls

Not even the niggers

You get summoned to the master's quarters multiple times a week

For meetings on flag designs

Every time Blackbeard's sketch of him raping a mermaid gets struck down

Finally the battle with Maynard.

"Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you!"

C'mon Maynard, do it!

Light his ass up (he's rapping biggy's who shot ya, at this point)

After 5 bullet wounds, and 20 stab wounds, your captain is bound for Davey Jones' locker

But he fought valiantly

And you still pour a drink for him in the sand

You see Maynard's ship sail away with Blackbeard's beheaded head on the mast

A parrot you befriended on your shoulder says

Fuck you Blackbeard

This poem was pretty gay.

Pretty much all poetry except for the shit I write is gay.

You're all a bunch of faggots for even reading this far into the post.

Regards,

-Theodore Kent

There are few who are more currently prominent in the Poal poetry community than @Smedleys_Butler-1, from herein, referred to simply as Smedley. Who could forget his classics, from the oddly somber [Eerily quiet 4th of July](https://poal.co/s/TheosOpiumDen/552921), to the more modernistic [Jandek know where you sleep at night [600x607 - 86KB]](https://poal.co/s/TheosOpiumDen/501227). This man seems to have a mastery of all forms of media. But I am here to review a single piece, [A tribute to Blackbeard's Buccaneers](https://poal.co/s/TheosOpiumDen/561183). Here is the entirety of poem, reprinted without the consent of the author, because I am quite forceful with my poetic criticism: >Imagine being one of Blackbeard's buccaneers >Prepping his hat before a raid with matches, set it alight so he can scare hostages with a smoking face >Imagine all the meals seasoned with gunpowder >How many times a day you have to soak your dick with rum >Due to fucking coastal girls with STDs >"Blackbeard, why you gotta capture all these nigger slave ships? They're eating all the watermelon", you say exhausted while endlessly playing the concertina for him >You get a reprieve in the crow's nest >While he rants about Queen Anne's revenge on the poop deck >Then he orders you to shoot seagulls for dinner >No one likes seagulls >Not even the niggers >You get summoned to the master's quarters multiple times a week >For meetings on flag designs >Every time Blackbeard's sketch of him raping a mermaid gets struck down >Finally the battle with Maynard. >"Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you!" >C'mon Maynard, do it! >Light his ass up (he's rapping biggy's who shot ya, at this point) >After 5 bullet wounds, and 20 stab wounds, your captain is bound for Davey Jones' locker >But he fought valiantly >And you still pour a drink for him in the sand >You see Maynard's ship sail away with Blackbeard's beheaded head on the mast >A parrot you befriended on your shoulder says >Fuck you Blackbeard This poem was pretty gay. Pretty much all poetry except for the shit I write is gay. You're all a bunch of faggots for even reading this far into the post. Regards, -Theodore Kent

[–] • 3 pts

"Whitman"

Theo you're a real mopey fag sometimes.

But you know whats more fucked up?

Besides your being an unrecognized genius, you don't believe it yourself.

Even now you're just like "this guy is just sucking my dick!"

And the bigger question is, why you letting another dude suck your dick?

You fucking homo.

Go smoke leaves of grass.

It'll help with the alcohol withdrawals, probably.

link

[–] • 2 pts

Did you know the cover of one of the editions of Leaves of Grass was actually made of woven grass? I almost bought a copy I saw in a second-hand bookstore, but Whitman is not one of my favorite poets, so I passed on it.