(sing along to the tune of 'Jukebox Hero' by Foreigner) Standing in the loo, with his pants down low Couldn't find TP, searched high and low Heard the roar of his bowels, he could picture the scene Put his ass to the throne, then like a distant scream He heard one big fart, just blew him away He saw stars in his eyes, and the very next day Bought a sixpack of asswipe, in a secondhand store Didn't know how to use it, but he knew for sure That soft TP, felt good in his hands Didn't take long, to understand Just one thick wad, wiped way down low Was a one way ticket, only one way to go So he started wipin' Ain't never gonna stop Gotta keep on wipin' And fill the toilet to the top And be a skidmark hero, got stars in his eyes He's a skidmark hero He took one more dump He'll come alive tonight