Welcome • User Guide
ToS • Privacy • Canary
Donate • Bugs • License

©2025 Poal.co

269

Kept on telling the officer I was going to reach for his gun, and that he needed to shoot me.

To his credit, he did not shoot me.

On the ride over to the hospital, he told me I needed help.

He was a very nice man, as were all the people I enjoyed meeting that night, including the paramedics, nurse, and the psychiatrist I saw.

I think they all did an excellent job in the performance of their jobs.

I told him, along with the paramedic and nurse that watched me, why there wouldn't be any help for me.

I have tried getting help before, and it just does not work.

I was prescribed anti-depressants, had therapy sessions, and did other things such as work out exhaustively in order to make myself feel happier.

And to be honest, some of those things did work. Working out did actually make me much happier.

But being temporarily happy is very different from actually wanting to exist.

I can be happy in brief moments, but I know that I bring so much suffering into this world, that my brief moments of happiness aren't worth it at all.

Sometimes you try your best, but you know that your best simply isn't good enough.

You can't actually make this World Perfect, no matter how hard you try.

So you try and you squeal and squirm and then you Fail.

And then you get detained. They only held me 12 hours, they could have held me for 72.

I feel bad for the cop and the paramedic and the CNA I talked to. I definitely did depress them a little bit.

I just lied to the Psychiatrist. She was in charge of discharging me, and I didn't feel like being there anymore, or being honest with anyone.

Just would've added more misery to the world.

Kept on telling the officer I was going to reach for his gun, and that he needed to shoot me. To his credit, he did not shoot me. On the ride over to the hospital, he told me I needed help. He was a very nice man, as were all the people I enjoyed meeting that night, including the paramedics, nurse, and the psychiatrist I saw. I think they all did an excellent job in the performance of their jobs. I told him, along with the paramedic and nurse that watched me, why there wouldn't be any help for me. I have tried getting help before, and it just does not work. I was prescribed anti-depressants, had therapy sessions, and did other things such as work out exhaustively in order to make myself feel happier. And to be honest, some of those things did work. Working out did actually make me much happier. But being temporarily happy is very different from actually wanting to exist. I can be happy in brief moments, but I know that I bring so much suffering into this world, that my brief moments of happiness aren't worth it at all. Sometimes you try your best, but you know that your best simply isn't good enough. You can't actually make this World Perfect, no matter how hard you try. So you try and you squeal and squirm and then you Fail. And then you get detained. They only held me 12 hours, they could have held me for 72. I feel bad for the cop and the paramedic and the CNA I talked to. I definitely did depress them a little bit. I just lied to the Psychiatrist. She was in charge of discharging me, and I didn't feel like being there anymore, or being honest with anyone. Just would've added more misery to the world.

(post is archived)

You are currently inside a comment thread.
Click here to see all the comments (33).
[–] • 3 pts

Do you like to read? There's this book that you might check out. It's not a self-help book and it's not a holy book.

I thought of it because you made me think of me, which made me think of this book that I haven't read in a while.

So there's this one author who is a total idiot but also brutally honest about his naiveness.

One day 20 years ago he, for lack of a better word, stumbled upon the most ridiculously beautiful explanation about life and self that I've ever read. It reads like an idiot got struck by lightning and became a genius. To this day, decades later, he's still somewhat of an idiot, which I emphase because it's at such stark contrast to the explanation in his book.

Can't ruin it for you but it is out of this world interesting.

I recommend buying it and holding a physical copy. if you can do pdfs here's a link.

https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/CONVERSATIONS-WITH-GOD-1.pdf

I highly recommend. Basic premise of why I recommend it to you is that depression seems to be a symptom of not understanding life. Life is another word for God. So is like, not understanding yourself -- or all 3 things. The knowing of which can change everything.

[–] • 0 pt

Hey Man,

Thanks for sending this to me. I will certainly read it.

I appreciate your help, even though I don't think help is something I need, or can ever attain.

But if reading this book gives me more understanding, I would be slightly happier just for that.

Regards,

-Theo

[–] • 1 pt

Yeah, at least check out the first chapter. It's something I keep around and revisit.