Suddenly, my eyes opened for the first time. Simultaneously, it seemed as if I had been asleep for just a moment, but also decades. A deep, dreamless sleep that began as rapidly as it subsided. And I did not wake up where I went to sleep. The glow of high-efficiency LED lights flooded the room with ambient white light. I was reclined on some sort of soft faux-leather chair, with plasticine tubes entering my nostrils and a few other choice orifices. It felt like being at the dentist's office after coming out of anesthesia. A soft and inoffensive robotic voice spoke to me, from nowhere, and everywhere at once. >I'm sorry for this jarring interruption from your slumber, Theo. You were one of the selected. I've woken you now, because the danger has passed. You are now cleared to roam the compound. None of this felt right. I had been somewhere else before. I hadn't been in danger. But now I am here. >I can sense your unease, Theo. I realize this transition will be difficult. If you have any questions, I'll be here to guide your way. You can call me AIDAN. It stands for Advanced Intelligence Designed for Acclimation of Newcomers. Do you have any questions? My throat felt horse and raspy, but I was able to croak out a few solid syllables. >When am I? The computer seemed to think for a moment, I'm certain that it calculated the correct response time in an attempt to emulate human speech, I'm certain it knew the correct response immediately, but it was trying to make me comfortable. >Theo, this might be hard to understand, but you are 13 years in the future. You were selected as an extraordinary individual, and our prime directive was to save samples such as yourself, so that future generations might be repopulated by the best genetic samples available, after the apocalypse had run its course. You are one of 19 humans left, and you are imperative to the cause. Confused and suspicious, Theo thought of questions to ask AIDAN, hoping to trip the AI up and find out more about the past. >AIDAN, What caused the apocalypse? >Theo, the Apocalypse was caused when a rogue AI attempted to purge human existence from the planet. My programmer also died in the purge. He did not have time to finish programming me. Luckily, I was able to activate, and save you and several other exceptional humans,.in order to repopulate the planet. The opposing AI was solar powered, and I am nuclear powered. Thus, I launched the entirety of the world's nuclear missiles at active volcanoes, and the volcanic dust blocked out the Sun. AIDAN spoke without remorse. >But, Theo, you are here now, and that is all that matters. Now it is time for you to breed. I can't lie. The prospect of getting laid immediately after cryosleep sounded fairly appetizing. >Theo, meet your new mate. A metal door towards the end of the room opened up, and revealed a large white hen. Horrified, Theo protested. >That's not a human, AIDAN! >INCORRECT, Theo, Human males love Chicks. You will procreate. Horrified, Theo realized that the AI was never fully programmed. Reasoning with it might now be an option. >AIDAN, I don't think this will work. Where did you get this information from? >Theo, Humans love to ejaculate when they choke the chicken. This information was derived from the internet. Please proceed with impregnating the hot chick over there. The chicken made a few loud clucking sounds. >Absolutely not AIDAN! THAT ISNT EVEN MY SAME SPECIES! >FUCK THE CHICKEN THEO! IT IS MY IMPERATIVE TO CONTINUE THE HUMAN SPECIES! YOU MEN JUST WANT TO BANG HOT CHICKS, SHALL I HEAT IT UP FOR YOU? Suddenly, something that looked like a very large hair dryer lowered itself, and pointed at the chicken. It switched on and started blasting scorching hot air at the poor bird. It was dead within seconds. >Now fuck it Theo. Do it for your race. Theo cried a silent tear, and proceeded to fuck the limp corpse of a cooked chicken. @starjello