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412 days. How long would this winter last? He replaced the kettle on the wood-burning stove and cupped his hands around the mint tea. "Only an hour more of stove time," he thought woefully. The IR scans would give him away beyond that.

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The sunlight trickled through his window, and he groaned and rolled over onto his left shoulder, only to find that his left shoulder and arm were no longer there...

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Back, before people really lived. Back, before the days of Noah...

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Ever since October he'd been involved. First it was intercepting her letters - love letters mostly (two men!) - but occasionally a stakeout. Not that it mattered much; she seemed an angel. He wondered what she could have done that NQD wanted her watched.

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In a mere 20 paces he'd be there.... 15... 25... now 15 again? The bricks wouldn't hold their shapes in his eyes. Dawn was fading into evening. For once, Three was in distress.

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Her jaw dropped open in shock at the insinuation. "I'm... I can't... Oh you grr... I AM NOT THAT DISGUSTING!" she blurted before taking another angry bite out of...

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"It was true!" she thought. It just *had* to be. What else could cause the fabric to bulge in that shape?

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585

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"Someday... someday *soon*... you're going to end up with a hole in your ASS!" exclaimed the captain. "Aye, aye, sir," replied the attractive ensign.

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She knew Marie was one of those blue toilet water chicks before they even met in person. "Stereotypes exist for a reason," she thought. Her plan was coming together perfectly.

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My mother was an elf. And my father a sword wielder. In between all the cracks is how I grew up, and wise.

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871

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For the past 96 hours, all he'd eaten were the condiment packets from restaurants along 45th and Rudd Streets.

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348

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Crazy broads. 7 years ago she drove 5 hours to sleep with me in a hotel bed, and now claims I forced her. How does a girl force suck a dick?

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Many folks'd say you don't truly know a man until you fight them. That hadn't been Ray Martin's experience, though.

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796

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The sign was, after all, legible after 40 years of grime. "IF HER FLAPS ARE PINK, RETHINK! IF HER FLAPS ARE BROWN, GO TO TOWN!" it read. Justin couldn't for the life of him understand what it meant.

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She'd always remember when her dad said "Son, if you insist on fuckin' her like that, she just gonna run away and cry soon as she can get away."

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"This is definitely a two-handed job!" she exclaimed, opening the zipper and gazing within for the first time.

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I'm pretty sure I molested 3 nurses last night. When your penis is this huge, it's a daily inevitability.

282

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He was one of those guys who didn't wash their hands after touching his dick. And it wouldn't have been so bad, except...

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858

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"Wait! Wait! I need to clean my asshole first!" [tell us, Poalrs... what's the /r/RestOfTheStory ?]

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802

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I didn't often drive on West Main... only East Main. As we passed the gun store - "Shit!", my passenger interrupted. "They closed up shop - see? 'For rent'." I whipped my head to the right to staring at my passenger about 1/2 second too long, then beyond into the glare of the vacant store's window.

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608

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That's the thing about making your life in a small town - they'll know where you live. And they'll walk right in.

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692

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There were a few glowing briquettes left, so I decided to warm up some cookies. Whatever happened next was between Gerald, Georgia, and God... because the next sensation was a prickly pear's spine in my third thoracic vertebrae, followed by a whoosh of a passing vehicle. Gerald was my dog.

388

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She turned left out of the truck stop, peeling out only for a half-second to telegraph but not to be obnoxious. "A small victory," she thought... right before they shot out her left taillight.

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