...Portland’s latest food truck craze: the insect taco. She continued to nibble her climate neutral Beetle Carnitas, while fighting back tears. Instagram was offline for what seemed like an eternity that day; almost 40 minutes. Without the ability to again display her support of BLM, apologize for her whiteness, and condemn the factory farming industry: she was was being accused of virtue signaling by the scarved, pot bellied, thick rim glasses wearing, bearded men from the craft beer tent across the parking lot. “Do I eat bugs for likes on Insta?” she contemplated. Her 4 year degree in gender studies hadn’t prepared her for difficult self reflections; as her strong suit is pointing out the shortcomings of others. Thankfully her attention span is truncated due to a lifetime of ADHD, bi-polar, and anxiety medication. She realized that she had only slept with 11 new men this month, and so approached the man sipping a Bell’s Oberon and complimented his vintage Facts of Life tee shirt. She reasoned, “Instagram might be down, but my OnlyFans isn’t...” and a potential crisis was narrowly averted.