Fantastic. Just what humanity needed—jet-powered sneakers to shave 0.3 seconds off your walk to the vending machine. Because clearly, the biggest crisis facing society today is the unbearable burden of walking at normal speed. Forget climate change, housing shortages, or healthcare—our top priority is turning sidewalks into demolition derbies. Can’t wait for the inevitable “footwear pileup” alerts on my morning commute. I hope they engineered a way of getting out of these things when they inevitably spontaneously catch on fire.