Breathing Air: $3 per lungful (Oxygen is premium-filtered through the CEO’s personal humidifier.)
Armrest Access: $10 per elbow (Shared armrests require a bidding war. Winner gets 60% of the surface.)
Window Glance: $7 per minute (Includes one cloud. Additional clouds $2 each.)
Overhead Bin Use: $25 per zipper touched (Includes complimentary judgment from flight attendants.)
Tray Table Deployment: $12 (Folds down with the grace of a guillotine. Use at your own risk.)
Seatbelt Buckling: $8 (Unbuckling is free, but comes with a stern warning.)
Cabin Lighting: $4 per bulb per hour (Mood lighting surcharge applies during turbulence.)
Smile from Crew: $6 (Authenticity not guaranteed. Refunds not available.)
Landing Fee: $15 (Optional. You may choose to remain airborne indefinitely.)