In that moment, sobriety was not working for me.
I tried real hard for awhile, and was told by many that life would get better if I just stayed sober. But it truthfully has just been getting worse at a remarkably consistent rate. Most of my friends and some of my family abandoned me during the pandemic, and I just really don't feel any sort of hope or positivity about my own personal future, or that of the human race.
I'm feeling terminally blackpilled.
Your future is up to you. You can and will make it better, but only if you try. You have to take control. Stop giving into booze. Just. Fucking. Stop. So, you got drunk and now you pay the price for your honesty. Good. You were honest. Great. You fucked up. Fine. Happens to everyone. Everyone fucks up. Fine. You'll deal with it, just like everyone else.
Stop fucking up by drinking.
Take . Control. Of. Your. Future.
What would it take to make you fell less blackpilled?
Ya know, I wrote an extremely long and heartfelt reply to this comment yesterday, probably some of the most honest stuff I've ever wrote. And as I was about to push "post comment", my thumb accidentally brushed the cancel button on my cell phone.
And it all just disappeared in an instant.
And here I am today, in my new living place, a sober house in a very bad neighborhood, basically one step above a crack house, writing to you again. They just told me that another occupant of this house died last month.
I wonder if I am sleeping on his bed tonight.
Dear God, I really have to kill this job interview tomorrow. I don't even know if I should take out my laptop in this house.
Let's see how tomorrow goes.
accidentally brushed the cancel button
Happened to me way too many times, I blame the jews.
I know how ugly it can be living like that, I've been in the army for years and they've been keeping us crammed up like animals in conditions I don't even want to remind myself of. Thieves, heroin addicts, lunatics of all kinds - we had them all. Prisoners were living in a lot better conditions than us, that's not even a joke. When I first enlisted I was 19 and drinking almost every day for years already. I didn't even know how bad my alcohol problems were until the withdrawals hit me hard during the boot camp. I've decided then I'm done with alcohol, did have quite a few relapses through the year, but it was periodically getting less and less until it was completely gone and just no longer a problem.
What got me through years of that crap is telling myself that things can only go wrong if I give up. As long as I keep going and keep digging through all the shit and mud I will find a way out eventually. If I stop and give up, then that's my own personal decision to stay stuck in the shit and the mud and remain there forever. I did manage to get out and things did get better, but you know how the world is.
Good luck with that interview and if it's already done let us know how it went.
Bro, if they blackballed you for that, it says a lot about their character. If they can turn their back on you for something like that, I hate to say it, but those people sound dangerous to have in your inner circle. The communist state was made possible by informants. People can change, pray for that in them.
Just food for thought.
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