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311

I've gotten way better but I'm still a ways a way.

At one point I was at nearly a 1/5 a day of Nordic vodka. Waking up with bruises forgetting conversations running on empty all the time. Went for physicals and everything was fine.

It started with alleviating my anxiety and panic problems. It morphed into a hobby then an addiction. Exacerbating things was my world view and still is to an extent. I wanted an off button and alcohol was happy to provide. In my brain it became known as a friend. The one that has your back but will stab it the the second it can. Stems from also me wishing I could go back. Before I knew. Wish I could back with the toxic girl I knew. Why? Cause she was my last bastion of normal. Wish I could go back to another time and place. I didn't wanna face reality. I didn't want to go down this rabbit hole. I'm glad I did but it is a heavy burden. All of us here carry it. I never thought or realized it was happening to me.

As bad as things get it just adds to my problems. Helps my progress stay locked at a certain rate and I can't get passed. Since I've lightened up. (I've been so dependent just stopping could be life threatening) I've never felt better and the further I get away from it the better I can deal with what I know and what I see.

I've found sanctuary in praying and Buddhist rituals like scrubbing floors and treating your home as a requiem from the fucked up world that is.

As I wake and my head clears I find myself in a world ripe for the rise of our uncle. We're on a collision course with history and while I'm not the person do it, although I'd like to be, I'll follow this incantion.

If fuckers had never gone after my games I may be dead. I may be a Funko collector. I may be the perfect consumer.

I'm ranting and likely not making a lot of sense but the future is bright. Everyday more people are getting pissed. More people will start questioning. We will win.

I've gotten way better but I'm still a ways a way. At one point I was at nearly a 1/5 a day of Nordic vodka. Waking up with bruises forgetting conversations running on empty all the time. Went for physicals and everything was fine. It started with alleviating my anxiety and panic problems. It morphed into a hobby then an addiction. Exacerbating things was my world view and still is to an extent. I wanted an off button and alcohol was happy to provide. In my brain it became known as a friend. The one that has your back but will stab it the the second it can. Stems from also me wishing I could go back. Before I knew. Wish I could back with the toxic girl I knew. Why? Cause she was my last bastion of normal. Wish I could go back to another time and place. I didn't wanna face reality. I didn't want to go down this rabbit hole. I'm glad I did but it is a heavy burden. All of us here carry it. I never thought or realized it was happening to me. As bad as things get it just adds to my problems. Helps my progress stay locked at a certain rate and I can't get passed. Since I've lightened up. (I've been so dependent just stopping could be life threatening) I've never felt better and the further I get away from it the better I can deal with what I know and what I see. I've found sanctuary in praying and Buddhist rituals like scrubbing floors and treating your home as a requiem from the fucked up world that is. As I wake and my head clears I find myself in a world ripe for the rise of our uncle. We're on a collision course with history and while I'm not the person do it, although I'd like to be, I'll follow this incantion. If fuckers had never gone after my games I may be dead. I may be a Funko collector. I may be the perfect consumer. I'm ranting and likely not making a lot of sense but the future is bright. Everyday more people are getting pissed. More people will start questioning. We will win.

(post is archived)

[–] • 8 pts

> I didn't wanna face reality.

That's always the biggest hurdle. So much easier to just go back to sleep.

But you can't. You will miss EVERYTHING, and that's not something you want to happen.

The greatest high is being normal, it really is.

Success breeds success, you've made progress, you can go all the way.

[–] • 3 pts

I agree.

I was trying to ignore it by using.

I remember. I remember nailing kickflips and innovating my job and keeping my car looking factory. Those have been the best highs in life my and as my perspective shifts from and addict to my old self that can only say what the fuck happened to you? I can't let that part of me down now that I've let it come around again.

[–] • 2 pts

Absolutely. And remember also, it's a sin, it's not an option you can continue, it will destroy your soul for eternity.

You're taking the right steps tonight just by bringing it up here and admitting it's a problem.

“He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”

[–] • 3 pts

Exacerbating things was my world view and still is to an extent.

Firewater is for Injuns an Spics. They use it to numb the pain of knowing that they aren't White, and can never achieve or accomplish what we can. Remember that.

The next time you want to drown yourself with a bottle of booze, remember that you're White. And you aren't going to disgrace your race by acting like the lesser races. Instead, you're going to drink a glass of milk and hit the gym, or the range.

These are dark times, but you aren't alone. You're a part of something far larger than yourself. We're all depending on you to be at your best.

And no matter how bad things get, always know that no matter what happens, you've got brothers who are always on your side ready to fight for you. But more importantly, ready to fight side by side with you.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks for the words my dude. I know I'm letting my folk down and it's a good motivator.

[–] [deleted] • 3 pts

I had some problems with alcohol when I was younger. I realized early that if I ever started drinking liquor on top it would eventually take over me. I still drink beer but only on days off or at family or friend gatherings and in a much smaller amount.

I don't wake up on the couch anymore or whatever chair I was in at the time. I got that from my father's side. He still does the exact same thing.

Keep up the progress. It won't be easy and you know that already. Keeping your hands and your mind busy will help along the way.

You can do this.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks! I will. I've been through worse. I appreciate the time you took to respond.

[–] • 3 pts

David Cassidy drank himself to death, every organ was failing.

If you want some inspiration watch Alice Cooper's story, pretty amazing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnL0HsncOyw

[–] • 2 pts

I will watch. I also remember him talking on top gear about it. Throwing up blood.

[–] • 3 pts

You can do it, please do it for yourself, your family, for us, for humanity.

Thanks for sharing, it's hard man, I know.

[–] • 2 pts

Well I recognize your name here. This place is a brotherhood. And I thank you for your time and energy.

[–] • 3 pts

Can relate as I know many who have gone through similar pain, including myself not too long ago.

Understand that your real battle is learning how to transfer your anxiety into positive energy. Alcohol will only make it worse until you master loving your self and learn how to transfer anxiety into a hobby. I recommend working with your hands or learning how to express your anxiety through art and leave that pain into your work and not your head.

It seems the world is not what it used to be, we all know that. But you need to realize that you can't let the outside world affect your mental well being and personal goals in life. You can always change for the better and adapt to your surroundings, or find new and better surroundings. You can always make new friends or reminisce with old ones. After you go through great pain you will numb to it and be able to finally pursue your dreams. It's actually a great feeling once you overcome it.

[–] • 1 pt

Thanks so much for the thoughts bro. I really do appreciate it.

[–] • 2 pts

I turned 50 yesterday, I haven't had A drink of booze for 16 years. I went to the rooms for my first year.but I'm not looking for a closer conscience contact with God.I just want to stay sober.Me and God "GREAT OUT DOORS" have an awesome relationship. He's out in my boat fishing with me all the time......If you don't drink, you can't get drunk.

[–] • 1 pt

Doesn't matter what your higher power is so long as you know one. Glad it worked out for you.

[–] • 2 pts

I never thought I could quit... but I did. I haven't had a drink since the Sunday before Thanksgiving in 2001. I didn't do it alone. AA was my salvation. I also know several who have stopped by themselves but they are certainly in the minority. If you can't stop, find a neighborhood AA group and they will bend over backward to help. love&light for you journey. Being sober is the best high there is!

[–] • 0 pt

Thanks so much man. I have a fantastic support group that I'm grateful for and they're all helping me out.

[–] • 0 pt

Good for you! wishing you a most fabulous life without alcohol! Mine is better than I could have dreamed.

[–] • 2 pts

The smarter you are the more aware you become that we are fucked.

Ignorance is bliss.

You being aware gives you the opportunity to enact change but you can’t do it from the bottle.

Cut it out cold turkey and replace with exercise. It will suck. It will be hard. It will physically hurt. In the end you will feel better then you ever have with your new mental and physical strength. Time is finite. Don’t waste to much of it.

[–] • 2 pts

Just leaving support for you. No advice or anything.

[–] • 2 pts

I turned my alcohol and drug addiction into a 'wake up sober' addiction. Knowing that I left the drunken/druggy days behind is a huge kick, every morning. I start each day optimistic and cheerful, happy that the jew no longer controls me with his vices.

At my lowest points (homeless, zero frenz or job or money) I thought I was doomed. I was wrong. I am NOT doomed to be a drunk, neither are you. How sick of this shit are you? Have you had enough of the guilt, fear, anxiety, and shame? I sure did. FINALLY.

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