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Being sober. It’s boring sometimes. Like tonight. You know what’s more fun than sitting watching stupid videos on your phone? Watching stupid videos on your phone high. You know what’s better than going to the gym? Going to the gym high. Doing drugs for so many years leaves with you with this feeling like there’s always something missing. Like you need salt or something. I can’t explain it. I miss meth most of all. Meth and video games. Then you see demons after a week and that’s fun cause it’s like a waking nightmare.

Being sober. It’s boring sometimes. Like tonight. You know what’s more fun than sitting watching stupid videos on your phone? Watching stupid videos on your phone high. You know what’s better than going to the gym? Going to the gym high. Doing drugs for so many years leaves with you with this feeling like there’s always something missing. Like you need salt or something. I can’t explain it. I miss meth most of all. Meth and video games. Then you see demons after a week and that’s fun cause it’s like a waking nightmare.

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[–] • 1 pt

You need therapy, and also introspection into what went so catastrophically wrong in your life that perpetual disassociation is appealing. I'm guessing your childhood was horrible?

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

More likely no father in the picture.

[–] • 0 pt

I'd categorize that as "horrible", and the statistics would back me up.

[–] • 0 pt

What do you mean perpetually disassociating

[–] • 0 pt

Drugging oneself into an altered state of consciousness (or in the case of a week long meth binge, horrible hallucinations) because you prefer that to reality.

For a point of comparison, a happy, well adjusted person isn't going to have a fantastic day indulging in their favorite hobby with great friends, have a joy filled meal with their happy family, and then curl up with their spouse to watch a beautiful sunset and think to themself "You know what, I'd love to drug myself into a stupor to forget today".

People with horrible lives and a metric ton of trauma? THAT is much more appealing to disassociate from.

[–] • 1 pt

I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic. I drink because the evenings are so looooong and boring. When we travel or have something going on then I don't drink at all. But when I'm home it's literally the best game in town. Bonus it can take up to a week to watch a movie, because I inevitably fall asleep. But even if I stay awake I've learned that drunk me's understanding of a movie is usually completely different to not-drunk me's. So it's like two movies in one.

[–] • 0 pt

There’s a part of me that’s always hoping to be hopeless. Just so I can run to my grave. Take every drug I can get my hands on and live wreck less till something kills me

[–] • 0 pt

My take on things is that life is so short and it's literally all you have. So you take your pleasures where you can. Beating yourself up does absolutely nothing for anyone, except make your existence more miserable. Own the shit that is your life and enjoy it. The end comes too soon.

If you want to run to your grave then that's your call, it won't make any difference in the big scheme of things. But it only makes sense if you're life is so filled with pain or misery that each day is unbearable. "I'm bored" is a fucking pussy excuse, dude.

[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

We all have our own inner demons to confront. Keep at it, it gets easier with time. I wrote this song many years ago.

Inner Demons

This institution that we're living in, has us feeling like we're full of sin. Inspiration has run dry. Wanting, waiting 'til the day we die. Degradation of the congregation. Annihilation of the human nation. You can't be wrong and be right. You've got to stay, you've got to fight. Always fighting these demons within. I keep on running but they're here again.

the devil made me do it and I'm doing it well The devil made me do it and I'm doing it well. The Devil Made Me Do It And I'm Doing It Well! THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT NOW I'M GOING TO HELL!! Skin on fire, hearts burning desire. Soul devoured, it's my final hour.

[–] • 0 pt

Isn't your job more important?

[–] • 0 pt

I just interviewed for an incredible job. Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m either gonna get the job in which case I will completely stop giving a shit about my current job. Or I won’t get the job in which case I’ll completely stop giving a shit about my current job. Cauze I know I would be one of the best people possible. Sure as the sun will come up tomorrow. I’m just not a good talker. So idk. If I don’t get the job mine as well start doing drugs again. Cause what’s the point? Doesn’t matter how well I do. If I can’t do well in an interview which by the way being social means nothing in this job I interviewed for

[–] • 0 pt

The secret to being a good talker is being a good listener. You listen and regurgitate the words they emphasize, they'll talk more, giving you all the answers, everything they want to hear. Then it's just a matter of saying it.

You think this is sneaky or too obvious to work? I say try it!

[–] • 0 pt

And stop asking everyone you meet for dick pics

[–] • 0 pt

Well it’s too late now. The interview was last Wednesday. I want this job more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I’ll know by December 15 if I got it. I can’t make it 30 minutes without thinking about it. There’s a few million dollars on the line. It’s a very big deal. If I don’t get it I’ll have to wait a couple years At least to try again but like I said I’ll have to interview again and it’ll be the same goddamn story so why bother. It sucks so much cause I’m the best option they have. They just don’t know it. Everyone says they’re this or that but I actually am. I would put my work ethic and attitude up against anyone on this planet

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Yeah, know what you mean. It's forever. We've permanently altered our brain chemistry in our young and stupid years.

Can't really truly enjoy anything like we used to, before the drugs. There's always that "something missing" hole you mentioned, that's real as fuck.

All I can say is I've only ever grown accustomed to it over the years, but it never goes away.

[–] • 0 pt

Can relate bro. Ive just learned to keep busy. Full time job on a farm. Got a wife and a kid. Plan on having as many as possible. Bought 10 acres of land to live on off grid. Rebuilding a camper. Anything to just keep my ass busy or exhausted. Those are the only times im not tempted to use.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

I'm in the midst of sober October and I couldn't agree more. Being sober is mind numbingly boring. Sorry it's not quite on the level that you're talking about but the sentiment is definitely there.

[–] • 0 pt

I mainly just drink and smoke cigarettes, but I've done everything except for crack and peyote, unless I got laced once like I did with dust. Did meth with my cousin a few months ago, only second time. Used to smoke a lot of weed, only occasionally now, but it's nice cause I need hardly any. Maybe I'd suggest wine? It's great cause you can coast and it has relaxing properties, like you don't even want to get fucked up. Do that sometimes during the week cause I work at 6

[–] • 0 pt

I don’t really like drinking anymore

[–] • 0 pt

I'll send you a dick pic if you get fucked up with me on

[–] • 0 pt

Necro - I need drugs

https://youtu.be/u4s7h2BnsFo

[–] • 0 pt

I just went to the store to get some caffeine. Some guys in line said wow you really like caffeine don’t you. I told them I don’t do drugs anymore so it’s all caffeine and nicotine now. They said hell yea me too. I bet Iv done more drugs that people have never even heard of than drugs than people could name. Iv been on every pill powder liquid whatever. Iv been on benders on everything. Iv mixed and matched everything a hundred times over. Been through a bunch of addictions. God I miss it

[–] • 0 pt

Yikes on those demons, bro.

[–] • 3 pts

They feel More like friends that I can’t talk to anymore. I know meth is. Meth is that crazy ex girlfriend. I’ll fuck her and it’ll end in domestic violence

[–] • 2 pts

Remember that meth's a stimulant. You go two days without sleep and you'll start hallucinating. A week of little to no sleep and you'll see all sorts of horrible things as your brain slips in and out of sleep.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Yep, those were the best days of my life. Well I had a few good ones since then but long gone now.

[–] • 0 pt

Mushrooms are all I’m open to now. My friend always wants me to do acid with him but it didn’t go so well last time. Just in case you didn’t know mushroom spores are legal in 47 states and it’s easy to grow them. Food for thought. Fungus for thought. That’s not really what I mean when I say drugs though