I appreciate your well wishes, cousin.
Unfortunately, melatonin supplements never seemed to work for me. I've struggled with insomnia since I was a boy.
Perhaps a different delivery method of melatonin is worth trying? I wonder if there is a liquid form?
Isn't there a lot of melatonin in turkey meat? My grandmother (she was a widow, she and her husband owned an 80+ acre farm) would always give us turkey (along with homemade chicken soup, chicken slaughtered nextdoor in the shed) to help me and my dozen or so cousins sleep. We know that vitamins and most nutrients are absorbed far more efficiently when taken from actual food; like taking a vitamin C capsule might get 10% of its dose into your bloodstream, but eating a legit, good orange might get it into you far more efficiently.
I am aware of the dangers of benzos, but I think taking a low dose really helped me relax, put my mind at ease, and helped me to focus on healing rather than worrying. Does that make sense?
I don't know if turkey has melatonin, I'll have to look that up, but it does have tryptophan & 5HTP is basically tryptophan. Maybe that would help you more than just the melatonin alone. I noticed a significant difference once I began taking them together at bed time. There is cbd oil with melatonin, that may be something to look at. Yeah, getting your nutrients and vitamins through food is always better than getting it from supplements, much better absorption. Supplements shouldn't be a thing we need, but we're not living like we're designed to any more.
How you describe using the benzo doesn't strike me as too worrying, not like you're abusing it. Plus you are aware of the dangers. I have very minimal knowledge about them though. I experimented a little some years ago and quickly found it wasn't my thing.
I've got an amusing benzo story for ya. This was about a decade ago, I was not there to witness this, I heard this through second hand accounts.
My buddy, we'll call him Phil, went to a party. The party was at an apartment, where you open the door to the first floor, there is a flight of stairs that leads to the upstairs apartment. On the left is a door that leads to the apartment of the people living downstairs.
The party gets going, and Phil takes around 4-8 Xanax "bars": this is the highest dose of Xanax that is prescribed, typically. One of those can turn a grown man into a shambling, zombified person for a few hours. He also drank about half a fifth of vodka. This combination is ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE, AND CAN KILL YOU AND PUT EVERYONE AROUND YOU IN SERIOUS DANGER.
Phil was very, very fucked up. Eventually, people started falling asleep. At some point in the night, Phil took all of his clothing off and walked outside, wandered around in the street for a bit, and then went back into the front door of the apartment. Rather than going up the stairs to his friends' apartment, he opened the door on the ground floor- it was unlocked. He stumbled in and passed out on the nearest couch.
He awoke to police and EMTs dragging him out of this frightened family's apartment. Phil says his memory of the night is very foggy, he remembers going outside, doesn't know why, and everything else is absolutely blank.
This is a funny story because nobody got hurt... but Phil could've died. If I walked into my living room one morning and saw some strange man laying on my couch... well, let's just say the police wouldn't be needed so much as the EMTs would be. Fortunately, one of the family members knew Phil, who is actually a good, nice kid who makes some bad decisions (he was in his late teens I believe).
I ate a bar once after a long night of partying. I woke up 30 hours later. Never again.
Good god he's lucky he didn't die. Years ago, I took one or two of those blue footballs and drank a big beer and was completely wrecked to the point I couldn't stand and walk. It took me 30 minutes to get a cup of water. I got learnt real quick not to do that again.
I have also seen coworkers completely change from abusing xanax, that shit is insidious.
My doc said, and same for testosterone, if you supplement it you're in danger of your natural output shutting down.
That skeered me.
Besides, melatonin never helped me either, nor did 200 dollar CBD oil.
Actually its tryptophan that is in turkey. However, it is in small enough amounts that it really is more of a myth that it makes you sleepy. Its more because people eat to excess on Thanksgiving in the US which more or less leads to a food coma / food crash. Apparently tryptophan supplements can promote better sleep though.
Turkey pilled
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