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Hard times are coming, and emotional maturity will keep you strong. I've listened to men complain about things that don't matter, or make issues for themselves that can be solved with a simple shift in perspective.

For myself, I study Stoicism. I find it helps me weave through life's more unimportant emotional demands, and focus my emotional energy on where it will benefit most. Ex: A man complains of his wife complaining. Pretty common. I look at my wife's complaining as information I can use to gauge her mental health, the issues she's dealing with, etc. I don't solve my wife's problems, I just listen. I do not add her burden to my own. I simply offer advice when appropriate and I don't bring the subject up again. I do all this with respect and kindness.

I would challenge you to ask yourself how emotionally mature you are. Be honest with the answer. Think heavy on it. Dig around in areas that are uncomfortable for you. And then accept your answer.... if you're good, you're good. If you need to work on things, you know what to do.

Hard times are coming, and emotional maturity will keep you strong. I've listened to men complain about things that don't matter, or make issues for themselves that can be solved with a simple shift in perspective. For myself, I study Stoicism. I find it helps me weave through life's more unimportant emotional demands, and focus my emotional energy on where it will benefit most. Ex: A man complains of his wife complaining. Pretty common. I look at my wife's complaining as information I can use to gauge her mental health, the issues she's dealing with, etc. I don't solve my wife's problems, I just listen. I do not add her burden to my own. I simply offer advice when appropriate and I don't bring the subject up again. I do all this with respect and kindness. I would challenge you to ask yourself how emotionally mature you are. Be honest with the answer. Think heavy on it. Dig around in areas that are uncomfortable for you. And then accept your answer.... if you're good, you're good. If you need to work on things, you know what to do.

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[–] [deleted] • 1 pt

You don't get it just like the other guy. It's not your responsibility to make anyone happy. Everyone's happiness is their own responsibility. A woman chooses to be unhappy. It has nothing to do with listening or talking. She wants something. That is why she is unhappy. Since you are the provider she thinks its your fault.

[–] • 2 pts

I'm afraid you're the one that doesn't get it. Yes, your responsibility isn't someone else's emotional security. I'm saying everything in a relationship is a negotiation. Talk with her about how her saturating your emotional capacity is weighing on you. Ask her to find other people to vent with outside of just you. Yeah, sure, be critical of her oversharing. Just understand though that her ways of relieving stress aren't quite the same as yours. You probably like to head to the range, lift some weights, drink a beer, smoke a joint, listen to music or whatever, right? Those are stress-relieving practices, all of them. Even masturbating. Her version of that is getting things off her chest and informing you about things that are bothering her. You must understand that, just like if she asked you to stop drinking beer, to stop being in the gym or range so often, that you would feel trapped all the same. You'd need some alternative way to de-stress. If you intend to interrupt that process for her, there may be ramifications.

At the same time, you can let the complaints wash over you. You don't have to suck them all up and hold them in. Choose what weight to carry. Free yourself of things that weigh you down.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

You must understand that, just like if she asked you to stop drinking beer, to stop being in the gym or range so often

Those are exactly the type of things women complain about.

[–] • 1 pt

So now you see the problem, right? This is where you say, "yes, just like you need to tell me about things that are going wrong in your life, I need to have my space and time to relieve stress too." Explain to her how the energetic teeter trotter works. Help her empathize with your situation. Negotiate. That's how relationships work. Stop letting these things weigh on you so heavily. You knew going in to the process that women complain about things all of the time. You knew what you signed up for.