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436

It's been some time, and yet i feel like the intensity at which i miss my wife is increasing. She died in a pretty traumatic way, alive in the morning, than dead for no reason within an hour. I never got answers, or anything. And yet i feel like my body is slowly decaying from the grief. I feel like i just want to stay at home and mope, and just do the bare minimum. I dont drink, i do have a church and i work out, and yet i still cant get out of this feeling.

I decided to stupidly look up rigor mortis and how it works, and now i feel like this entire issue IS my fault. She had some RM in her right arm, and if i had woken up earlier, there is definitely something i could have done, right? I mean people dont just drop for no reason, and if she was already exhibiting symptoms of post death decay, than i failed as a husband.

And yet i feel like my body and brain are just using this artificial mask, to suppress issues even further. I look happy to others, and yet, i feel miserable.

It's been some time, and yet i feel like the intensity at which i miss my wife is increasing. She died in a pretty traumatic way, alive in the morning, than dead for no reason within an hour. I never got answers, or anything. And yet i feel like my body is slowly decaying from the grief. I feel like i just want to stay at home and mope, and just do the bare minimum. I dont drink, i do have a church and i work out, and yet i still cant get out of this feeling. I decided to stupidly look up rigor mortis and how it works, and now i feel like this entire issue IS my fault. She had some RM in her right arm, and if i had woken up earlier, there is definitely something i could have done, right? I mean people dont just drop for no reason, and if she was already exhibiting symptoms of post death decay, than i failed as a husband. And yet i feel like my body and brain are just using this artificial mask, to suppress issues even further. I look happy to others, and yet, i feel miserable.

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[–] 0 pt
Trish Murtaugh : [holds up a gold pen]  Is this your pen?

Martin Riggs : Thanks,

[takes it] 

Martin Riggs : I keep losing it.

[he goes back to cuting up the vegetables] 

Trish Murtaugh : Something's wrong.

Martin Riggs : Naw, not really, just another goddamn pen.

[He ignores her for awhile] 

Trish Murtaugh : You were saying about the pen.

Martin Riggs : Oh, it just reminds me of something thats all.

Trish Murtaugh : Reminds you of what?

Martin Riggs : Ah, reminds me of the night Vicki was killed.

Trish Murtaugh : [pause]  I didn't mean to push.

Martin Riggs : Hang on that ok, we never talked about this did we.

[pauses] 

Martin Riggs : Well, I supposed to be meeting her for dinner and you know one of those romantic dinners for two. I was up to my eyeballs in work and I forgot about the whole thing.

[puts the cut up vegetables into a pot] 

Martin Riggs : I guess she waited in the restaurant for an hour before she decided to drive home alone. It was midnight before I got home, I got home to a ringing phone, so naturally I answered it. They told me she was killed in a car crash.

[pauses] 

Martin Riggs : I should have been driving, I guess we would have been all right, huh. Anyway I remember falling down on my knees and I started shaking all over and I remember thinking I'm losing it, I'm losing it. So there I was lying on the living room floor. Lying there and I'm seeing under the couch and I see this gold pen. Gold pen just lying under the couch, I've been looking, haven't seen it in two months, there it is.

[laughs slightly] 

Martin Riggs : She wasn't much of a housekeeper. And this voice goes off inside my head, kind a like a drill instructor, I really heard it. It said GET UP NOW. I didn't feel like it but I got up, muscles were still working and I drove to the hospital and identified her in the morgue and signed her out with my gold pen.

Roger Murtaugh : [walks in]  Gold pen? Hey, Trish found one in the laundry the other day.

[Trish and Martin look at each other]