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It's been some time, and yet i feel like the intensity at which i miss my wife is increasing. She died in a pretty traumatic way, alive in the morning, than dead for no reason within an hour. I never got answers, or anything. And yet i feel like my body is slowly decaying from the grief. I feel like i just want to stay at home and mope, and just do the bare minimum. I dont drink, i do have a church and i work out, and yet i still cant get out of this feeling.

I decided to stupidly look up rigor mortis and how it works, and now i feel like this entire issue IS my fault. She had some RM in her right arm, and if i had woken up earlier, there is definitely something i could have done, right? I mean people dont just drop for no reason, and if she was already exhibiting symptoms of post death decay, than i failed as a husband.

And yet i feel like my body and brain are just using this artificial mask, to suppress issues even further. I look happy to others, and yet, i feel miserable.

It's been some time, and yet i feel like the intensity at which i miss my wife is increasing. She died in a pretty traumatic way, alive in the morning, than dead for no reason within an hour. I never got answers, or anything. And yet i feel like my body is slowly decaying from the grief. I feel like i just want to stay at home and mope, and just do the bare minimum. I dont drink, i do have a church and i work out, and yet i still cant get out of this feeling. I decided to stupidly look up rigor mortis and how it works, and now i feel like this entire issue IS my fault. She had some RM in her right arm, and if i had woken up earlier, there is definitely something i could have done, right? I mean people dont just drop for no reason, and if she was already exhibiting symptoms of post death decay, than i failed as a husband. And yet i feel like my body and brain are just using this artificial mask, to suppress issues even further. I look happy to others, and yet, i feel miserable.

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[–] • 0 pt

RM does not set in until a bit after death. nothing you could have done- at all, whatsoever. nothing!

I had to watch my mom go suddently. I understand should have would haves

Only when you ACCEPT that it's done, it's over, you cannot redo the past, there is no going back to that moment. ACCEPT YOU DID YOUR BEST. ACCEPT YOU GAVE THEM A LIFE FULL OF LOVE.

your loved one would be horrified to know the suffering you endure on their behalf. your wife loved you and would want you to move on and find peace.

grief comes in waves, the waves get further apart as time passes. there are big and small waves. you never actually stop loving them or missing them, but it does get easier. remember to accept you did your best at that time, in that moment. you would have forgiven them if the roles were reversed.