Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have survivor's guilt. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. You go over it again and again. You need to speak to a professional
What you are describing is normal. Will take atleast 3 years before you can think about it absent of dispair and guilt.
Rigormortis is literally postmortem rigidity. No one has ever experienced rigormortis while alive. No one.
There's nothing I or anyone can say
It's a good move on your part for getting this off your chest and out there
May be months, years, or forever. Mourning in my experience has no end. Mourning turns to remembrance turns to Legend and Saga
Celebrate her
If rigor mortis already set in she was already gone. Nothing you can do.
But she was alive in the morning, so had i gotten up sooner, i may have found her at a time before the rigor mortis set in. Or at least seen her fall down, or do something. I feel like an incompetent buffoon over this
You can't change it. Try to chill. She is with you.
Brother, you need to stop those lines of thought. You did not cause this. It's not your fault.
Take your time to mourn, but don't wallow in misery and guilt. I truly hope that you have someone in the real world to talk to - a close friend or family member, or your pastor (and on that note, pray). Maybe even consider a professional (though that wouldn't necessarily be my first choice, it's surely better than nothing).
Airing your thoughts here is not a bad thing, and sometimes it's nice to be able to say shit with anonymity, but I think you need genuine human contact.
Be well, man.
This is part of the grief process but there was nothing you could have done then. No amount of pouring over it will change it now. When it’s your time, it’s your time. The hardest part is accepting what’s already happened.
Death of a loved one is never easy to bear. All you can do is try to live in a way that honors their memory.
RM does not set in until a bit after death. nothing you could have done- at all, whatsoever. nothing!
I had to watch my mom go suddently. I understand should have would haves
Only when you ACCEPT that it's done, it's over, you cannot redo the past, there is no going back to that moment. ACCEPT YOU DID YOUR BEST. ACCEPT YOU GAVE THEM A LIFE FULL OF LOVE.
your loved one would be horrified to know the suffering you endure on their behalf. your wife loved you and would want you to move on and find peace.
grief comes in waves, the waves get further apart as time passes. there are big and small waves. you never actually stop loving them or missing them, but it does get easier. remember to accept you did your best at that time, in that moment. you would have forgiven them if the roles were reversed.
talk with a therapist, not a internet forum
Trish Murtaugh : [holds up a gold pen] Is this your pen?
Martin Riggs : Thanks,
[takes it]
Martin Riggs : I keep losing it.
[he goes back to cuting up the vegetables]
Trish Murtaugh : Something's wrong.
Martin Riggs : Naw, not really, just another goddamn pen.
[He ignores her for awhile]
Trish Murtaugh : You were saying about the pen.
Martin Riggs : Oh, it just reminds me of something thats all.
Trish Murtaugh : Reminds you of what?
Martin Riggs : Ah, reminds me of the night Vicki was killed.
Trish Murtaugh : [pause] I didn't mean to push.
Martin Riggs : Hang on that ok, we never talked about this did we.
[pauses]
Martin Riggs : Well, I supposed to be meeting her for dinner and you know one of those romantic dinners for two. I was up to my eyeballs in work and I forgot about the whole thing.
[puts the cut up vegetables into a pot]
Martin Riggs : I guess she waited in the restaurant for an hour before she decided to drive home alone. It was midnight before I got home, I got home to a ringing phone, so naturally I answered it. They told me she was killed in a car crash.
[pauses]
Martin Riggs : I should have been driving, I guess we would have been all right, huh. Anyway I remember falling down on my knees and I started shaking all over and I remember thinking I'm losing it, I'm losing it. So there I was lying on the living room floor. Lying there and I'm seeing under the couch and I see this gold pen. Gold pen just lying under the couch, I've been looking, haven't seen it in two months, there it is.
[laughs slightly]
Martin Riggs : She wasn't much of a housekeeper. And this voice goes off inside my head, kind a like a drill instructor, I really heard it. It said GET UP NOW. I didn't feel like it but I got up, muscles were still working and I drove to the hospital and identified her in the morgue and signed her out with my gold pen.
Roger Murtaugh : [walks in] Gold pen? Hey, Trish found one in the laundry the other day.
[Trish and Martin look at each other]
(post is archived)