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I'm not kidding. I'm serious! I'm pretty sure she's a damned bear.

Below is a copy of a PM that I sent to a user of Voat, though I've typed about it in public before. I'm telling you, she's a bear...

You said you wanted to hear...

I didn't realize she was a bear when I started dating her. No, no I did not. I should have seen the signs.

  1. Loves blueberries.
  2. Loves honey.
  3. Loves picnic baskets.
  4. Loves donuts.
  5. Forages for food.
  6. Loves fish.
  7. Shaves off her fur.
  8. As you'll see, is inherently dishonest!

See, I brought her to help in the blueberry fields. I set her down with a pail and a patch of berries. She was going to "hand pick." By 10:00, her fingers were blue. So wasn't her face.

She told me she hadn't been eating the berries. I laughed and pointed out her bucket was pretty much empty.

At noon, she complained of a sore belly but "hadn't eaten that many berries."

By two, she was waddling around the field in a sugar daze. Just free-range gorging herself on berries, having discovered the secret to finding the ones that tasted best to her.

The whole way home, she complained of a belly ache - but "hadn't eaten that many berries."

That still didn't clue me in.

As we see from Yogi T. Bear, he always lied to the Ranger. He was a picnic basket stealing bear, and then he'd lie about it!

So, using that as my guide, I have figured it out.

I brought home like 50 pounds of berries and we put 40 pounds up and planned on using 10 pounds fresh. A few days later, all those berries were gone. She DENIED eating them. I know I didn't eat them. She denies it.

Thus, she's a blueberry stealer and, worse, she lies about it! Horrible!

So, I've concluded she's a bear. Further evidence suggests she's a retired circus bear that shaves her fur off to blend in with humans, 'cause there's not exactly a lot of job opportunities now that the circuses are all gone.

She can't help but lie about having eaten the berries. She's inherently dishonest. That's what bears do!

She's a damned bear!

So, like I said, she's a damned bear! If I'd known she was a bear, I wouldn't have started dating her in the first place. Now that I'm a bear keeper, I just can't kick her out. Bears don't have many employment opportunities. It's not like they have opposable thumbs!

If you're ever in Rangeley, Maine and you see an older lady driving a green Subaru - check to see if she has blueberry stains. If she does, she's a bear. Also, tell her she's a horrible blueberry stealing liar. I'm pretty sure she's a bear.

Pretty sure.

I'm not kidding. I'm serious! I'm pretty sure she's a damned bear. Below is a copy of a PM that I sent to a user of Voat, though I've typed about it in public before. I'm telling you, she's a bear... ----- You said you wanted to hear... I didn't realize she was a bear when I started dating her. No, no I did not. I should have seen the signs. 1. Loves blueberries. 1. Loves honey. 1. Loves picnic baskets. 1. Loves donuts. 1. Forages for food. 1. Loves fish. 1. Shaves off her fur. 1. As you'll see, is **inherently dishonest**! See, I brought her to help in the blueberry fields. I set her down with a pail and a patch of berries. She was going to "hand pick." By 10:00, her fingers were blue. So wasn't her face. She told me she hadn't been eating the berries. I laughed and pointed out her bucket was pretty much empty. At noon, she complained of a sore belly but "hadn't eaten that many berries." By two, she was waddling around the field in a sugar daze. Just free-range gorging herself on berries, having discovered the secret to finding the ones that tasted best to her. The whole way home, she complained of a belly ache - but "hadn't eaten that many berries." That still didn't clue me in. As we see from Yogi T. Bear, he always lied to the Ranger. He was a picnic basket stealing bear, and then he'd lie about it! So, using that as my guide, I have figured it out. I brought home like 50 pounds of berries and we put 40 pounds up and planned on using 10 pounds fresh. A few days later, all those berries were gone. She DENIED eating them. I know I didn't eat them. She denies it. Thus, she's a blueberry stealer and, worse, she lies about it! Horrible! So, I've concluded she's a bear. Further evidence suggests she's a retired circus bear that shaves her fur off to blend in with humans, 'cause there's not exactly a lot of job opportunities now that the circuses are all gone. She can't help but lie about having eaten the berries. She's inherently dishonest. That's what bears do! She's a damned bear! ----- So, like I said, she's a damned bear! If I'd known she was a bear, I wouldn't have started dating her in the first place. Now that I'm a bear keeper, I just can't kick her out. Bears don't have many employment opportunities. It's not like they have opposable thumbs! If you're ever in Rangeley, Maine and you see an older lady driving a green Subaru - check to see if she has blueberry stains. If she does, she's a bear. Also, tell her she's a horrible blueberry stealing liar. I'm pretty sure she's a bear. Pretty sure.

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[–] • 0 pt

I thought about mixing some coke with saline but said to hell with it. I ain't scared. It went fine. I know what I'm doing.

It's connected with butterfly stitches and a bandaid covering it. The incision is on 1/2" long. It's not bleeding. The area was well-prepped. I've done worse. I've done worse to myself. I've given full-on stitches to a friend - he'd a giant gash, with meat hanging out, in his leg. We were many, many miles and wouldn't be back in a town for like three days. So, I stitched him.

Note: I helped my daughter learn to do stitches and I helped a girlfriend learn.

I'm not that kind of doctor, but four of us dissected a human cadaver at school. I'm pretty comfy saying I could maybe perform a basic surgery and not kill you. If the weather is good, the nearest hospital is about 1.5 hours away. I'd give you a tracheotomy! I even know how to place one!

[–] • 1 pt

Well good to know because when I come and I will, I’m probably going to try and act like I’m 20 again and end up doing something stupid and getting a minor injury, I’m pretty sure I’m indestructible bones and serious injury wise but that’s another story

[–] • 0 pt

LOL I'm on the S&R squad and pretty well qualified.

For some reason, the image isn't displaying properly unless I open it in a new tab. It's pretty gnarly what came out of me. I was kinda impressed with the ease. It hurts less than a tattoo or a good piercing.

(Many years ago, I was in a band that was alternative - after being punk and later being grunge.) I've had more metal in my face than you can imagine. No, no I won't be digging out pics. I used to get my piercings done at a 10g and chased with a 12g ring. That's pretty much like using a small hole punch.

The pain was awesome.

I find a little pain in my pleasure, so why shouldn't I find a little pleasure in my pain? It was divine!