I'm not kidding. I'm serious! I'm pretty sure she's a damned bear. Below is a copy of a PM that I sent to a user of Voat, though I've typed about it in public before. I'm telling you, she's a bear... ----- You said you wanted to hear... I didn't realize she was a bear when I started dating her. No, no I did not. I should have seen the signs. 1. Loves blueberries. 1. Loves honey. 1. Loves picnic baskets. 1. Loves donuts. 1. Forages for food. 1. Loves fish. 1. Shaves off her fur. 1. As you'll see, is **inherently dishonest**! See, I brought her to help in the blueberry fields. I set her down with a pail and a patch of berries. She was going to "hand pick." By 10:00, her fingers were blue. So wasn't her face. She told me she hadn't been eating the berries. I laughed and pointed out her bucket was pretty much empty. At noon, she complained of a sore belly but "hadn't eaten that many berries." By two, she was waddling around the field in a sugar daze. Just free-range gorging herself on berries, having discovered the secret to finding the ones that tasted best to her. The whole way home, she complained of a belly ache - but "hadn't eaten that many berries." That still didn't clue me in. As we see from Yogi T. Bear, he always lied to the Ranger. He was a picnic basket stealing bear, and then he'd lie about it! So, using that as my guide, I have figured it out. I brought home like 50 pounds of berries and we put 40 pounds up and planned on using 10 pounds fresh. A few days later, all those berries were gone. She DENIED eating them. I know I didn't eat them. She denies it. Thus, she's a blueberry stealer and, worse, she lies about it! Horrible! So, I've concluded she's a bear. Further evidence suggests she's a retired circus bear that shaves her fur off to blend in with humans, 'cause there's not exactly a lot of job opportunities now that the circuses are all gone. She can't help but lie about having eaten the berries. She's inherently dishonest. That's what bears do! She's a damned bear! ----- So, like I said, she's a damned bear! If I'd known she was a bear, I wouldn't have started dating her in the first place. Now that I'm a bear keeper, I just can't kick her out. Bears don't have many employment opportunities. It's not like they have opposable thumbs! If you're ever in Rangeley, Maine and you see an older lady driving a green Subaru - check to see if she has blueberry stains. If she does, she's a bear. Also, tell her she's a horrible blueberry stealing liar. I'm pretty sure she's a bear. Pretty sure.