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I'm not kidding. I'm serious! I'm pretty sure she's a damned bear.

Below is a copy of a PM that I sent to a user of Voat, though I've typed about it in public before. I'm telling you, she's a bear...

You said you wanted to hear...

I didn't realize she was a bear when I started dating her. No, no I did not. I should have seen the signs.

  1. Loves blueberries.
  2. Loves honey.
  3. Loves picnic baskets.
  4. Loves donuts.
  5. Forages for food.
  6. Loves fish.
  7. Shaves off her fur.
  8. As you'll see, is inherently dishonest!

See, I brought her to help in the blueberry fields. I set her down with a pail and a patch of berries. She was going to "hand pick." By 10:00, her fingers were blue. So wasn't her face.

She told me she hadn't been eating the berries. I laughed and pointed out her bucket was pretty much empty.

At noon, she complained of a sore belly but "hadn't eaten that many berries."

By two, she was waddling around the field in a sugar daze. Just free-range gorging herself on berries, having discovered the secret to finding the ones that tasted best to her.

The whole way home, she complained of a belly ache - but "hadn't eaten that many berries."

That still didn't clue me in.

As we see from Yogi T. Bear, he always lied to the Ranger. He was a picnic basket stealing bear, and then he'd lie about it!

So, using that as my guide, I have figured it out.

I brought home like 50 pounds of berries and we put 40 pounds up and planned on using 10 pounds fresh. A few days later, all those berries were gone. She DENIED eating them. I know I didn't eat them. She denies it.

Thus, she's a blueberry stealer and, worse, she lies about it! Horrible!

So, I've concluded she's a bear. Further evidence suggests she's a retired circus bear that shaves her fur off to blend in with humans, 'cause there's not exactly a lot of job opportunities now that the circuses are all gone.

She can't help but lie about having eaten the berries. She's inherently dishonest. That's what bears do!

She's a damned bear!

So, like I said, she's a damned bear! If I'd known she was a bear, I wouldn't have started dating her in the first place. Now that I'm a bear keeper, I just can't kick her out. Bears don't have many employment opportunities. It's not like they have opposable thumbs!

If you're ever in Rangeley, Maine and you see an older lady driving a green Subaru - check to see if she has blueberry stains. If she does, she's a bear. Also, tell her she's a horrible blueberry stealing liar. I'm pretty sure she's a bear.

Pretty sure.

I'm not kidding. I'm serious! I'm pretty sure she's a damned bear. Below is a copy of a PM that I sent to a user of Voat, though I've typed about it in public before. I'm telling you, she's a bear... ----- You said you wanted to hear... I didn't realize she was a bear when I started dating her. No, no I did not. I should have seen the signs. 1. Loves blueberries. 1. Loves honey. 1. Loves picnic baskets. 1. Loves donuts. 1. Forages for food. 1. Loves fish. 1. Shaves off her fur. 1. As you'll see, is **inherently dishonest**! See, I brought her to help in the blueberry fields. I set her down with a pail and a patch of berries. She was going to "hand pick." By 10:00, her fingers were blue. So wasn't her face. She told me she hadn't been eating the berries. I laughed and pointed out her bucket was pretty much empty. At noon, she complained of a sore belly but "hadn't eaten that many berries." By two, she was waddling around the field in a sugar daze. Just free-range gorging herself on berries, having discovered the secret to finding the ones that tasted best to her. The whole way home, she complained of a belly ache - but "hadn't eaten that many berries." That still didn't clue me in. As we see from Yogi T. Bear, he always lied to the Ranger. He was a picnic basket stealing bear, and then he'd lie about it! So, using that as my guide, I have figured it out. I brought home like 50 pounds of berries and we put 40 pounds up and planned on using 10 pounds fresh. A few days later, all those berries were gone. She DENIED eating them. I know I didn't eat them. She denies it. Thus, she's a blueberry stealer and, worse, she lies about it! Horrible! So, I've concluded she's a bear. Further evidence suggests she's a retired circus bear that shaves her fur off to blend in with humans, 'cause there's not exactly a lot of job opportunities now that the circuses are all gone. She can't help but lie about having eaten the berries. She's inherently dishonest. That's what bears do! She's a damned bear! ----- So, like I said, she's a damned bear! If I'd known she was a bear, I wouldn't have started dating her in the first place. Now that I'm a bear keeper, I just can't kick her out. Bears don't have many employment opportunities. It's not like they have opposable thumbs! If you're ever in Rangeley, Maine and you see an older lady driving a green Subaru - check to see if she has blueberry stains. If she does, she's a bear. Also, tell her she's a horrible blueberry stealing liar. I'm pretty sure she's a bear. Pretty sure.

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[–] • 1 pt

I’ll read it as soon as I get a minute about to go to eat with the family celebrating a kindergarten graduation today. They grow up fast.

[–] • 0 pt

Congrats. I have two kids here. They're not mine, nor are they the missus'. They're not really my kids, but I treat them as though they are my flesh and blood.

[–] • 1 pt

Well that’s good kids need positive influences, and people to be roll models and I’d bet your a good one, nothing more important than a passion for learning for a kid to see.

[–] • 0 pt

It's a very, very long story. I'll try it, but it just explains why I have two hoodlums.

The missus saw the eldest in town - she's a 15 year old girl. She was dressed in rags. She bitched at me about it and I realized I'd have to do something. In fact, I realized that I should have done something years ago.

The trouble was, that they come from an impoverished but proud family. They were 5 people living in a small trailer without running water or septic. They were that poor. They were poorer, really, but let's not dwell on the details.

So, I called up the grandfather and said, basically, "I'm taking them."

At this point, the question was how he'd take it. He was happy as fuck to have his house back.

I got her a job at a franchise location that I have financial say in. I put them in the house that I lived in while this was being built. I let her use a reliable Subaru to get too and from work. I took them all household, clothing, and entertainment shopping.

What I did was, basically say that if you want to - you can be my family. I will ensure you're well taken care of - but this is a hand up, not a hand out. I'll give you a good start, I'll pick you up if you fall, and we'll try something new. But, you're still going to have to work for it and you're going to do the work yourself.

The youngest is 12 (almost 13) and loves to be outside, so he's doing gardening and my lawn. The eldest is learning to play guitar and will help with the band - but she's also obligated to spend time learning how to deal with the horses at the farm. In return, they get some money.

I treat them just like they're my own children. The eldest is 15 and a wonderful girl. She got suspended for the last three days of school - for defending herself. I was much more proud than her biological mother.

They've gone out for a few hours with their grandfather today. Their mom is working so I've got them. I don't mind. I'm happy to have the noise and people around. I do truly accept them as my family.