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So my church and I seem to be running into a mild issue. I don' know, maybe i'm over thinking this one. My wife died a few years ago, understandable my brain is all over the place currently. But it seems like the church i go to is already talking about me getting remarried, etc. I decided to get a replica ring because my old one was damaged and thought why not? But the church seems to not have been a fan, because most people did not appreciate me putting on a wedding ring as a widower, it was met with either silence, or complete apathy. And mentioning her is also weird, as if im never supposed to talk about her or something. But i still love my wife, even if she isn't here physically. So now my brain is completely confused by what im supposed to do. I tried suppression but it feels like that made things worst, but being honest with my feelings is also not working.

So my church and I seem to be running into a mild issue. I don' know, maybe i'm over thinking this one. My wife died a few years ago, understandable my brain is all over the place currently. But it seems like the church i go to is already talking about me getting remarried, etc. I decided to get a replica ring because my old one was damaged and thought why not? But the church seems to not have been a fan, because most people did not appreciate me putting on a wedding ring as a widower, it was met with either silence, or complete apathy. And mentioning her is also weird, as if im never supposed to talk about her or something. But i still love my wife, even if she isn't here physically. So now my brain is completely confused by what im supposed to do. I tried suppression but it feels like that made things worst, but being honest with my feelings is also not working.

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[–] • 0 pt (edited )

Sorry to hear about your wife.

If honoring her feels like the right thing to do, and you aren't ready to move on, then don't. Who do your church people think they are in trying to steer your life for you? Don't let others control you or make you feel guilty, even if they think it might be in your best interest. Take their advice, analyze it, and then use your God-given brain to decide for yourself and ignore the naysayers.

[–] • 1 pt

Theyre church people. Trying to steer other peoples lives is what they do. Thats their whole purpose. A bird flys, frogs hop, church people tell others how to live.

[–] • 0 pt

You are right. My grandfather and my mother are big church people, and behave this way. It's pretty much why I gave up on the church. I still consider myself somewhat of a Protestant, but haven't been to a regular service in decades.

[–] • 1 pt

I do find that annoying, maybe they mean it in good spirit or something, but it comes off as horribly insulting to me. I don't want to date, i have the libido of a sloth right now, even if i could somehow get a woman's number, my brain would immediately block and ignore any advances to protect itself from the trauma of having to deal with a potential repeat of what i had to deal with. But instead they harp on the one part of the bible that says be fruitful and multiply, and dont give up on dating. Maybe my grief brain is just frustrated and taking it out on these people, i dont know

[–] • 1 pt

You're fine for thinking that way.

You only move at your pace. This is too big of a thing to push.

I hope, in time, you feel yourself well-healed.

[–] • 0 pt

You are, understandably, in a bad place right now and you need time to heal. That's normal, take your time.

They are trying to help you how they can, so just keep that in mind when you brain is telling you how dickish and rude they are. I'm sure you've heard of horror stories of men that fall into depression, booze, and drugs and get ruin. Their bad advices might be coming from a good place.

Take care of yourself (eat well, exercise, etc.) and talk about it and her. Isolation can make things worse. Maybe ask to talk one on one with the priest(?) and let him know that you appreciate the advice to remarry and that it's in the plans, but that at the moment you need to grieve and talk about it. If he can't do that, a psychologist will listen.