well, heres some things i know about you filtered through my own perspective. i could be way off base so buckle in and laugh it off if its simply not true. You're a hopeless romantic and in general, lonely. You probably pair bond very fast, and dont want to give up on someone because you are so starved of attention that a breakup feels like your breaking up with a necessary resource. You were probably raised on toxic, co-dependent relationships with close family. Because of the chaos from your youth you prefer to live alone, but because you're human, that is not ideal or good for your psyche. Negative reinforcement was probably a go to for someone who was responsible for you, and you looked up to. Coming to Poal and having your people here probably helps a little. I know I personally enjoy online platonic relationships and when I hit it off with someone, i really start to care how they are doing. Also, i can just close my computer and all the drama disappears so you can throttle how much you socialize which might feel like you can throttle. Its a shortcut, non-comital way to develop friendhips that will result in crippling you. Use a crutch when you dont need it for long enough, you'll get atrophied. lets see if i have any actually good advice. If you consider yourself a bro of poal, then you can lean a little (not alot) on poal culture to help you out. For one, no self respecting man will let a woman hit him. I would consider that a form of self harm, no matter how weak and cute she is. If she is trying to hurt you, she is not mature and you are enabling and defending old, dysfunctional paths in your brain by keeping her around. You deserve a woman who loves you, respects you, will birth/raise/love your babies and is peaceful. Anything else anyone tells you, including yourself is a lie. You deserve better. Ways to accomplish this is through meditation, a good diet, hitting the gym, researching your own dysfunction and offering your girlfriend an ultimatum. Normally in relationships, ultimatums are bad, but from what it sounds like, she's might be a parasite. so give her enough rope to hang herself by. Storytime: I used to think if i dated guys about my size i had a chance of being able to hurt him or fight back in an emergency. non of my guys were abusive, but it was nice to think i had that backup plan. One time, dating the smallest guy, he was still able to kick my ass while play-sparring without even trying. After the breakup I went around the bar, all drunk like an idiot, asking other idiots if i could punch them in the arm and they tell me if it hurts. I didnt hurt a single guy there. it might be unrelated, but its possible that woman who hit men think they can take them on in a real fight. Be a chad, dont let women hit you, no matter how much it turns you on. at the very least, women who hit men are not smart. trust me, while i was hitting guys, even consensually, i was my least smartest at that time and had alot of maturing to do.