We will probably not agree on this. I too am in contact with many people who were diagnosed with Aspergers and I have not seen lack of empathy being a pattern. Well actually maybe a bit since they seem to care less about people's fee-fees but I think that's because they see what they think is the truth is more important than fee-fees.
One thing that is typical of people with Asperger is that they don't have a filter they just say what they think. That's one of the reason people might think they are assholes. I think that is a higher degree of honesty in a way. Too many people keep silent about what they think.
There are many bad characteristics such people have too such as inability to understand figure of speech, some/few of them interpret everything strictly literally.
I like some people with Asperger because you can trust them to be honest. I have one collegue with it and he's awesome because he doesn't give a fuck about having a positive attitude you are supposed to have on a workplace. If he encounters code that sucks he says openly that it sucks no matter who did it :p That's of course a problem for people who are easily hurt and can't handle the truth.
About your step kids I assume that I simply haven't encountered that type of Asperger personally, either that or Asperger is a shit diagnosis lumping different types together which don't have much in common, or your step kids didn't only have Asperger.
Living with an aspi is much different than working with an aspi. Imagine anticlutch in your house every day, every conversation was a hostile I teraction, even in response to "how was your day?"
Meanwhile at school / work they play the act and the teachers would praise how nice they were.
I know lots of engineers that are aspi, and trust me when I say there are two personalities there. I had a best friend who was aspi, it wasn't until years later I learned that once they got comfortable, they were the real them.
Imagine anticlutch in your house every day
I see your point. Lol.
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