You deserve to die shitting yourself on a hospital bed, surrounded by family and friends who are all actively disgusted by how much your doo doo stinks.

That should be your last living moment.

When I suffered from depression I wanted to die, too. But I don't agree with suicide or accidental sucide or killing me slowly (smoking, alcohol). I wouldn't be able to forgive myself and will have to linger in limbo/hell until I do. I went out, looking for trouble, not hoping for someone to kill me but hopiing for someone to die for, I thought that the only way to die with peace of mind is saving someone else. So go out, find a building on fire and run inside to rescue someone, with any luck it will colapse and you'll die with a clean conscience, with bad luck you'll manage to escape and live with severe burns for years to come.

Just join the fire dept. and be the bravest of them all.

With pleasure!