Ironically, Islam's take on Jesus of Nazareth sounds the most reasonable- they describe him as a warlord prophet who attempted to bring a new religion to Jerusalem, but he and his followers were stopped and made into martyrs by the kike priesthood. Jesus, if he truly existed, was probably a *revolutionary.* A charismatic figure who came up with a new philosophy/take on the current notions of spirituality. He based this belief system around John the Baptists' teachings. It makes so much sense when you imagine a young Jesus growing up with John the Baptist as a sort of secondary father-figure, so that when Jesus reached manhood he had a whole new religion/method of governance cooked up. So he set about preaching John's stuff. He gathered followers. Eventually they decided to march on Jerusalem during the yearly pilgrimage. Jesus and his followers show up in Jerusalem and start rabble rousing. The incident with the money changers- probably actually happened. There may have been a brawl. After a few days, rumors spreading like wildfire, unrest everywhere you look- the kike power structure is being threatened by Jesus's new form of Judaism. So the kike priests demand that the Roman governor have Jesus dealt with, because otherwise he will surely lead a rebellion that would end with Pontius Pilate disgraced. And so the revolution was "nipped in the bud", they found a traitor among Jesus's ranks and set Jesus up to be caught. He was then tortured brutally, publicly, and crucified with a mocking sign hung over his head. This was all meant to send a message: "Threaten the kike priesthood, and this is how you'll end up." Doesn't that sound like a story that we've heard in just about every nation that has ever existed? But through the mists of time, legend and myth grow, and Jesus goes from a failed revolutionary into **the son of God Himself.** And he didn't *actually* lose, guys- yeah, he was crucified and humiliated, but he came back to life after a few days, we swear. Seriously, if you read the Bible through the lens of "this was written by a person who was part of Jesus's failed revolution", **it all reads like a huge COPE.** All of Jesus's followers ended up dead or in exile...and they were bitter, sad, and lonely. They'd embellish things about their beloved leader- he wasn't just a man, he could work *miracles!* It's actually quite sad to read it that way, but it fits perfectly.