I don't want to date again, I don't even know if my brain would be able to support a new relationship. It has this idea of intimacy, but only for someone who'se no longer alive. And yet my brain feels completely numbed out since then. I sometimes entertain the idea, and yet even I did get into a relationship again, I would become incredibly sad within a week and hate myself. And yet, not being in a relationship just makes me incredibly lonely. I have no idea how to get out of this bullshit mental trap, I fucking hate it. I just wish there was an easy solution out of this mess