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I don't want to date again, I don't even know if my brain would be able to support a new relationship. It has this idea of intimacy, but only for someone who'se no longer alive. And yet my brain feels completely numbed out since then. I sometimes entertain the idea, and yet even I did get into a relationship again, I would become incredibly sad within a week and hate myself. And yet, not being in a relationship just makes me incredibly lonely. I have no idea how to get out of this bullshit mental trap, I fucking hate it. I just wish there was an easy solution out of this mess

I don't want to date again, I don't even know if my brain would be able to support a new relationship. It has this idea of intimacy, but only for someone who'se no longer alive. And yet my brain feels completely numbed out since then. I sometimes entertain the idea, and yet even I did get into a relationship again, I would become incredibly sad within a week and hate myself. And yet, not being in a relationship just makes me incredibly lonely. I have no idea how to get out of this bullshit mental trap, I fucking hate it. I just wish there was an easy solution out of this mess

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I used a sock that I hid in a locking file box. After several dozen loads of spunk, the smell got so bad, my parents demanded I open it. My mom probably thought it was drugs.

Luckily, my dad warned me, and I got rid of the cumsock before my mom stormed in the room. Only much later did I realize that Papa knew that smell from his youth..