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438

I don't want to date again, I don't even know if my brain would be able to support a new relationship. It has this idea of intimacy, but only for someone who'se no longer alive. And yet my brain feels completely numbed out since then. I sometimes entertain the idea, and yet even I did get into a relationship again, I would become incredibly sad within a week and hate myself. And yet, not being in a relationship just makes me incredibly lonely. I have no idea how to get out of this bullshit mental trap, I fucking hate it. I just wish there was an easy solution out of this mess

I don't want to date again, I don't even know if my brain would be able to support a new relationship. It has this idea of intimacy, but only for someone who'se no longer alive. And yet my brain feels completely numbed out since then. I sometimes entertain the idea, and yet even I did get into a relationship again, I would become incredibly sad within a week and hate myself. And yet, not being in a relationship just makes me incredibly lonely. I have no idea how to get out of this bullshit mental trap, I fucking hate it. I just wish there was an easy solution out of this mess

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[–] • 3 pts

You need another girl.

Fastest cure there is.

[–] • 2 pts

I don't know about that one, I feel like I would get into a complete emotional clusterfuck if i did that. Plus based off some minor experience, most women despise widowers and see them as a competition, so I don't know if I want my new girl to be "competing" against my wife

[–] • 7 pts

No, it's true.

Each relationship is different - no two are alike.

Meanwhile, it gets your neural pathways focused on the new girl and it distracts them from the old. The less time you spend thinking about the old girl, the faster the brain heals. The longer you dwell on the old relationship, the worse the pain becomes. It can continue for many many years like that, even longer than a decade. It is foolish to stay there.

No one who truly loved you would want you to experience that - so get a new girl, or more than one - right away - even if you have to pay for it. Break the pattern. The sooner the better. Soon enough, you'll be right as rain. Back to normal.

Also, you don't have to keep the new girl. It is unreasonable to expect to find a perfect new relationship on the first try. You may have to date a few of them to find another good one. Nothing wrong with that either. It has to work for both people.

But, beginning the process now does get your brain back in the game. It is the fastest path to healing.

[–] • 1 pt

True, my cousin's wife died, head-on collision, he got a new girlfriend relatively quickly and he's never been happier.

[–] • 0 pt

I'd think you could sort that out quickly. No pettiness, no BS, just gettin on with living.

[–] • 0 pt

Girls don't think it's competitive.

They know they can't fill the hole of the deceased person. It's about growing a new love. More like a flower growing through the cracks of pavement.

It might not be planted like the original in a lovely garden, but it's still a beautiful flower nonetheless.

[–] • 1 pt

Are you a man?

You think she would think highly of you sitting around whining like a little bitch?

Either date someone new or accept that you don't want to, it really is that simple. If you figure out you made the wrong choice then fine, try the other one.

[–] • 1 pt

You think she would think highly of you sitting around whining like a little bitch?

This. Sounds a little corny, but when it comes to lost loved ones, if you're having trouble with the loss, try to imagine them watching you from Heaven or another dimension or w/e. What would they say to you? Would they want you to be miserable and dwell on their death forever? Probably not. They'd probably want you to remember them fondly, and then go on to live a full, happy life.

[–] • 1 pt

Damn anon, IDK how to help. I wish peace for you though.

[–] • 1 pt

While I don't know your financial status, I think most single folks could do the following. Live on bare necessities. Then every month or two use money saved to take weekend vacations to places you never had the chance to visit. Of course the wuflu has a lot of places closed down and travelling is currently a pita. But, a constant change of scenery and new experiences could get you out of your spiral. Get comfortable with being just yourself again.

[–] • 0 pt

If youre drinking, stop. Try to limit it to special occations and when actually socializing. If youre drinking alone it will just prolong the misery.

[–] • 0 pt

Spot on. Will increase depression. Not good for the brain.

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

you might not find someone as good as your last girl

what you need to fix is this:

{CrustyBeaver} The longer you dwell on the old relationship, the worse the pain becomes

girls may be coming with similar problems as you, together you make the best of your life

[–] • 0 pt

Since my divorce 5 years ago, I haven't really even tried, except for a few gross one-night stands

[+] [deleted] • 0 pt
[–] • -1 pt

Stop fucking trannies and niggers then.

[–] • 0 pt

Become buysexual

[–] • 0 pt

Hey OP. Sorry to hear about your loss man. Would your previous lady truly care about you being happy? Was she that type where your happiness mattered to her? If so, then it's safe to say she would rather see you happy. It's not going to be easy to go through all of the "firsts" again... First kiss first everything etc. Just be upfront and honest with whoever you're dating that you lost your previous spouse and you want to take it slow. Everyone deserves affection, love, and general comfort. Do not deny yourself these things out of guilt. I would think your ex-spouse would rather see you attempting to find some semblance of normalcy after everything. Godspeed sir.

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