I deeply appreciate satire.
I deeply appreciate satire.
1 like = 1 prayer for depressed billionaire victims of RealSuicide™. Two-hundred-percent (yes that’s right we are matching purchases with our own donations from my own money earned working a 9-5 dayjob) of the proceeds from shirt sales will be donated to the Clinton Foundation’s effort to build an Epstein Memorial Moloch temple in Israel City, Israel. We are also funding a support group for suicided people to commiserate about their struggles holding evidence implicating powerful elites. Are SSRIs actually made from fluoride or is that a lie someone just told me? Nevermind, not important.
Maybe you’re trying to get a job as a child smuggler for the CIA, or perhaps you want to impress your friends at the 33rd Degree Scottish Rite initiation. Either way, for a paltry sum of $-- you can show your support for the 6,000-year-old blood cult running the world via sex-trapping Mossad assassinated guys.
Warning: Danger (Caution)-- if you or a loved one has recently investigated Haiti charities, offshore bank accounts, donut shops, or performance art, and is now suffering from extreme suicidal depression, call our hotline before it’s too late. Connect, care, compassion. Just because you have polaroids (I said a month ago they were going to kill him, and I also said there’s no way this dumb fuck has a dead-man’s trigger because all his shit is on VHS tapes in shoeboxes like any other boomer would have them, probably labelled with masking tape) that could lead to the arrest of world leaders doesn’t mean you have to shoot yourself in the back of the head multiple times with your hands tied behind your back.
Are you so rich that it’s depressing and you fantasize about driving your Bugatti off the roof of a parking garage? How about tying a noose to a ceiling fan so it twirls your corpse around like a merry-go-round? Is the never-ending rat-race of private planes and massages on remote islands wearing you down to the point where you’re thinking about sucking off a gun to make the gun cum bullets? We can help, at 1-800-WE-HELP-U. Dial us up and meet your new best friends. We promise we all think you are cool and want to hang out with you.
1 like = 1 prayer for depressed billionaire victims of RealSuicide™. Two-hundred-percent (yes that’s right we are matching purchases with our own donations from my own money earned working a 9-5 dayjob) of the proceeds from shirt sales will be donated to the Clinton Foundation’s effort to build an Epstein Memorial Moloch temple in Israel City, Israel. We are also funding a support group for suicided people to commiserate about their struggles holding evidence implicating powerful elites. Are SSRIs actually made from fluoride or is that a lie someone just told me? Nevermind, not important.
Maybe you’re trying to get a job as a child smuggler for the CIA, or perhaps you want to impress your friends at the 33rd Degree Scottish Rite initiation. Either way, for a paltry sum of $-- you can show your support for the 6,000-year-old blood cult running the world via sex-trapping Mossad assassinated guys.
Warning: Danger (Caution)-- if you or a loved one has recently investigated Haiti charities, offshore bank accounts, donut shops, or performance art, and is now suffering from extreme suicidal depression, call our hotline before it’s too late. Connect, care, compassion. Just because you have polaroids (I said a month ago they were going to kill him, and I also said there’s no way this dumb fuck has a dead-man’s trigger because all his shit is on VHS tapes in shoeboxes like any other boomer would have them, probably labelled with masking tape) that could lead to the arrest of world leaders doesn’t mean you have to shoot yourself in the back of the head multiple times with your hands tied behind your back.
Are you so rich that it’s depressing and you fantasize about driving your Bugatti off the roof of a parking garage? How about tying a noose to a ceiling fan so it twirls your corpse around like a merry-go-round? Is the never-ending rat-race of private planes and massages on remote islands wearing you down to the point where you’re thinking about sucking off a gun to make the gun cum bullets? We can help, at 1-800-WE-HELP-U. Dial us up and meet your new best friends. We promise we all think you are cool and want to hang out with you.
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