Embrace the power of "and". It would be mathematically impossible to achieve this level of failure, across the board, on all fronts, without it being the knowing and willful execution of a complex and detailed plan. Like some sort of anti-"Operation Overlord", D-Day invasion level plan. Nobody would be capable of fucking up at this level without it. Even if you based your decisions on coin-tosses or dice throws, you are bound to be correct about *something*, even at random.