Portland - the dream destination for Terror Tourism. Take a relaxing tour in one of our specially commissioned Chinese limos and watch graffitti artists at work on our historic buildings. Experience the thrill of active knifings as you sip champagne from the comfort of your climate-controlled seat. For the more adventurous, we offer a Trump Derangement Syndrome experience in which we transport you to a central location with a MAGA hat (included in price) and let you test your evasive skills against our wonderfully diverse population wielding unregistered firearms. Finish your day by dining alfresco surrounded by the ambience of screams and woke speech. When making your reservation, please specifiy your preference for one of our molotov cocktail suites with balconies or our first-floor arson suites. All packages include complimentary vaccines at our Fauci-endorsed medical spa and a completed 2022 ballot which we'll register in your name.