This is really difficult for many. Please don't do anything to yourself. It's really really really hard. I understand. We are living in a unique time in history even to centurions. Please have faith in God. Have understanding that you really aren't alone. Understand the motives. If you ever want to talk please reach out. This is unique to everyone and no one knows the outcome truly except for God but also believe when you pray your voice is heard. I wouldn't say so if it wasn't true. You are a place holder in the lineage of your ancestors inception. Your decisions effect everything beyond you. Every decision effects your bloodline. Think about what people went through to get you here. Everyone's decisions mattered. So do yours for the future and the present.