From nobody in particular he was NOT on cocaine Millennials are killing off Applebee's by eating avocado toast while working 3 jobs with a Ph.D. in nuclear physics at $8.75 an hour while I bought my first house at 19 counting widgets. Today's kids are a bunch of entitled and whiny people. You have 3 jobs? Why not 4? Go for 10 or 20 jobs! Damn entitled millennials, if it wasn't for illegal immigrants you could have 100 jobs! I worked 69,420 jobs in addition to counting widgets. On top of that, I inherited the GDP of a small country from my grandfather who bought a six-story mansion selling newspapers in the 1890s. College only cost $2.07 a year back in 1965 BC. We pulled ourselves up by the bootstraps while destroying the environment by pouring lead-laced Diet Coke into lakes, rivers, streams, and oceans. We also love PLASTIC. I have enough plastic straws and bags to clog the world's oceans and choke a bunch of sea creatures to death because FUCK YOU, that's why! Back in my day, which was around the Crusades, I would walk 30 miles to school naked BOTH WAYS when it was -50 out. I walked uphill, downhill, sideways, backward, and through the space-time continuum to get an education. Today's generation is so pussified I once took a 500,000-volt shock to the nipples while eating Lean Cuisine out of a tin can with my bare hands strapped to a great white shark. I once tried to look for the "any" key on a computer when those came out and I still can't find it. I have my grandchildren write all my emails and print them out for me FOR FREE because technology is a foreign concept to me. What is this Grindr app? Is it for grinding meat? My wife Karen makes a mean pot roast but nowadays my grandchildren eat this newfangled avocado toast thing and claim they like eating this thing called ass. When I die I will leave nothing of value except the McMansion I bought at 20 years old after a year in upper management counting widgets while I store all my assets in some offshore bank account fucking everyone for at least 99 generations with student loan debt of 200,000 times the amount of light years from the Sun to the most distant star in the universe. BTW this store clerk didn't take my 80 million coupons which means I could have bought the entire store. These expired sometime around the Middle Ages so I yelled at them and asked for a manager. The manager's name was Karen so the Internet broke and now I'm at home watching The Price is Right while slurping down dollar store diet soda and antidepressants with a side of opioids because everyone hates me and I haven't talked to my kids since around the French Revolution.