Writing about it when I'm all fucked up in my head is very helpful for me. It's like my thoughts have to pass through a more legit bullshit filter when I'm putting it into the world (even just on paper). Helps with perspective and doesn't require anyone's help. What a lot of us alkies find is that alcohol wasn't really THE problem. It was a solution to our existing problems. You might try, as an experiment, doing the 4th step of AA - the 5th tells you to talk about all of this with your sponsor, but it sounds like that's off the table. Write down a list of all the people and things you resent. Then make columns for each of them and fill out: >Why am I resentful of this >How does this affect my life >what's my part in it?" for each of them. Then make a list of all your fears, and fill out columns for: >Why am I afraid of this? >Does this fear stem from self reliance failing me? Then make a list of people you've had sex with and make columns for: >Where was I selfish in the situation? >Did it cause jealousy/suspicion/bitterness? >Where was I at fault? >What should I have done instead? It's a really good way of finding patterns of shitty thinking and behavior, and isolating character defects you can work on or pray to have removed. When I did this, I found a serious amount of selfishness, self centeredness, control issues, etc. Also that I had never really been trusting God to handle his end of things. Hopefully the God thing isn't a deal breaker for you. He was a bit part of how it's all working for me. Finding God gave me peace and sanity in an insane world. The main thing is to find a good church, which can be really hard depending on your area. Good luck, man. I've been able to break the obsession - I know it's not impossible.