Powerlessness and the madness of it. So many times I'd decide not to drink only to find myself drunk a few hours later.
I agree with the powerlessness, but not the madness.
I honestly do feel like a large portion of my drinking has to do with the fact that I am absolutely sane, and I don't want to have to think about the mad world that surrounds me.
But, I just had a good AA meeting.
I'll probably go home, drink, and go back to another one at 5.
Find a sponsor, work the steps, trust in God. I know full well that life is fucked, but it doesn't have power over me anymore.
I have told you before, and I will tell you again,
I Believe in God but I do not trust God.
AA is therapeutic for me, but I can never do the 12 steps because step two is impossible.
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