I agree with the powerlessness, but not the madness.
I honestly do feel like a large portion of my drinking has to do with the fact that I am absolutely sane, and I don't want to have to think about the mad world that surrounds me.
But, I just had a good AA meeting.
I'll probably go home, drink, and go back to another one at 5.
Find a sponsor, work the steps, trust in God. I know full well that life is fucked, but it doesn't have power over me anymore.
I have told you before, and I will tell you again,
I Believe in God but I do not trust God.
AA is therapeutic for me, but I can never do the 12 steps because step two is impossible.
Well, the steps are how the magic happens. I'd suggest you open yourself to the possibility of 2. Imagine that it's possible. Spiritual progress, not perfection.
Good luck.
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