I am absolutely not overthinking it.
Nobody else is thinking about it enough.
I went to a meeting at noon, and I will go to another in an hour and a half.
I will listen and learn and attempt to help my fellow drunks as best I can, because I know they are suffering.
But I know my lot in life.
And I know my purpose.
And it is to Understand, and Feel Pain.
You say step 2 is impossible for you, but I'd suggest you haven't properly done step 1 yet, if you refuse to submit to the process. You can't do it in your own way and expect it to work like it's supposed to.
Terminal uniqueness. You need to get out of your own way and accept that you're not as special as you think you are. Or trudge along until you life "beats you into a state of reasonableness."
Did you experience post-acute withdrawal syndrome?
Still do sometimes. They say it happens for a year or so.
(post is archived)