“Ignore” is definitely the right way to describe it. She was overly needy for one thing. All women are emotionally needy to some extent, but this was beyond normal. I was also much younger and less wise. And neither of us were probably in an optimal mental state when we met, which didn’t help. Anyhow, I overlooked it and attributed it to something along the lines of “poor girl..she’s really sweet and has just had a bad run with men, so she’s fragile..she just wants to be loved”… blah blah blah etc. No, she’s batshit insane. We met online..she lived in a different city..we talked for about a month before I actually met her in person. It’s not that I think meeting people online is inherently bad, because it’s not. It’s definitely different and should carry it’s own set of rules and best practices, but it’s not “worse” than meeting any other way. Anyhow, I think (in hindsight) that in *her* mind, she equated the “talking for a month” to actually dating for a month. So when we actually met in person, she was ready to jump in bed with me. I traveled to her city and got a hotel room precisely because I didn’t plan to be presumptuous and try to stay at her place. I was in no way planning to sleep with her that trip. But she basically threw her pussy at me and it happened. Now, I remember thinking at the time “well that’s it, she isn’t worth a damn because she’s so easy.” And yet, I let the relationship continue, still trying to think the best of her. I had mentioned that I didn’t want to marry anyone without at least dating for a year. And I really meant it. However, she pressured me and basically guilted me into marrying her after about 7 months of dating. I can’t blame her entirely for that, I should have stuck to my guns..well, the relationship should have never made it to 7 months in the first place. But anyway.. So, there were plenty of red flags at the beginning..but because she had never acted volatile or hostile to me during that time, I took it as meaning that we got along well and (which was super important to me as a person who grew up in a home where the parents fought all the time..and usually over stupid shit). But the truth was that she was conflict avoidant and I misdiagnosed what was really going on..which is dangerous AF in a relationship..a lot of people don’t realize that, but it is, big time..the conflict avoidant, passive types usually have zero boundaries, as well..which presents a whole other set of issues.. Oh, and she mentioned that she had been bulimic for a time in the past, but she was over that now..so, she turned out to also be a control freak, and that should have been a signal to me early on, but like I said, I was young and dumb, and thought I was in love. She was previously divorced once.. and I never pried much about the divorce or the bulimia…which I should have. Anyhow, by year one and especially year two, the chickens started coming home to roost…I realized that I had married someone who I had thought was intelligent, but who was actually just an educated idiot. Masters degree, but couldn’t even make the simplest of decisions by herself and had zero common sense. And then because of the neediness, I was expected to be a 24/7 emotional tampon. So between losing respect for her because I figured out she’s an idiot, and soaking up all of her emotional bullshit, I became miserable slowly, but surely. We got divorced right after 7 years. But probably by year 5 and increasingly the longer we were together, I didn’t even really want to talk to her at all. I didn’t want to hang out with her, either. I couldn’t talk myself into wanting to, as hard as I tried. I’d feel bad for feeling that way, but the way I felt was the way I felt. Well, women don’t take too kindly to being ignored and avoided, LOL. Forget the fact that she had earned it all on her own, that never got a passing consideration. No, if I didn’t want much of anything to do with her, it *had* to be because I’m an asshole..it certainly couldn’t be because she sucked as a human LOL. Add on top of those things that she wasn’t at all trustworthy. For example, she would make our business everyone else’s business habitually. I’m a private person, so I don’t really appreciate that shit. Again, this was due to the lack of boundaries issue that she has, but I just didn’t put 2 and 2 together until much later..so I’d make it known that our business stays between us and that it is unacceptable to bring other people into it..instead of altering her behavior, she just tried to be more sneaky about it..well, I’m an INTP. You do *not* lie to an INTP. It’s the absolute worst thing you can possibly do. So, I already thought she sucked, but the sneakiness and dishonesty sealed the deal. I was officially married to someone who I despised only slightly less than your garden variety liberal. And so I just drank and smoked weed..and then did the things I wanted to do whenever I wanted to. Played guitar, recorded music, fished, played video games. I thought I was happy and content. I didn’t realize that I was just high and/or drunk all the time as a means of coping with the fact that I was married to a lying, batshit insane cunt, who in my heart of hearts, I despised. And there were a couple of seminal moments in that vein that made me understand that she’s just not trustworthy. I should have ended as soon as I realized that, if not before. At one point. I was dead set on divorce but then I let my moral sensibilities get the better of me.. I wanted to fulfill the commitment I made on our wedding day.. but it just blew up in my face anyway. So there you go. I’d like to say that I should have known better from the red flags early on..but then I was too young and inexperienced to know better in a lot of ways.. the things I perceived as possibly problematic, I simply didn’t understand just how problematic they actually were until much later. So it’s not that I didn’t pick up on the red flags, it’s more that I assigned a much lower value to them than I should have. It’s weird how shit can work out, though. There was good to come from it. I really was forced to dig and critique myself, and make some changes. Also, nothing is a better teacher than experience..so when I started dating again, my filter was stringent as fuck. I can’t tell you how many women I gave the boot to. Suddenly, I was an expert at seeing problematic traits with very little to go on. The young me and the current me couldn’t be more different in terms of standards and the ability to sniff out deal breakers. It’s kind of fucked up. On one hand, you want to be picky so to avoid getting involved with someone who you shouldn’t..on the other hand, learning to be appropriately picky only comes with having made mistakes and learning from them…at least for me that’s how it was. I did eventually find a good woman, and I’m much more confident in that now because she had to pass a set of very stringent and precise standards…standards that I probably wouldn’t have known to have had I not been through the shit I went through. Not to mention, I probably would have never met my current woman had everything not happened exactly like it did. We dated for over a year before I proposed. I was not pressured into getting married, either. This woman has boundaries, will enforce them, and is the opposite of conflict avoidant. She wouldn’t kiss me on the first date, much less sleep with me. She’s an actual Christian woman, not a pretender like the ex. I didn’t have to redpill her, she’s already redpilled. She’s smart and has common sense both. I don’t have to explain to her why our business stays between us, because she already has the same policy. She’s literally the opposite of my ex in almost every conceivable way and I couldn’t be happier. Oh, and she’s waaay better looking than my ex-wife. Comparatively, it’s like I traded a Pinto for a Ferrari.