Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale A tale of a fateful trip, That started from this dumb dude's car, Who thought he was quite hip. This dude was a cluless Cali man, A Fucktard to be sure, Who hit the mountains on that day, For a three hour tour, A three hour tour... With hat and boots and Leatherman But his shirt he did toss. He thought he would take a stroll that day, But Fucktard became lost. The Fucktard became lost. The burnt up ground confused him so Uncharted every mile. Wet leaves won't burn... And they're cold too. The water stinks... In my boot Big Basin park Mountain lions should've bit my hand Here in Redwood's Mile.