We've known for most of a century that aliens hate cows. We don't know why this is, but the evidence is clear. Cattle mutilations going back to the 1950s or earlier. What could unimaginably powerful and wise beings from other planes of reality have against Bessie the milk cow? We can only dare to speculate on the fiendish inner workings of the alien brain. It may have something to do with a general aversion to agriculture. For as long as there have been cow mutilations, there have been crop circles -- the wanton destruction of grain fields just prior to harvest, which are evidently intended to reduce our supplies of grain. Farmers, be vigilant. Arm yourselves. If you see a light in the sky, don't hesitate -- shoot! Your cows and corn depend on it. Stop the alien scourge.