(31 F) Had a relationship ending conversation with a longtime friend/love interest (29 M)
I had a really disheartening conversation last night.
He lives in western PA. I live in the Southern US. We were MySpace friends way back when and have kept in touch since. There have been mutual romantic feelings but nothing came of it because of the distance. I have a preliminary interview with a company in Philadelphia and asked about moving there and what he knew about cost of living, culture etc. Nice convo, some good info. Then he just dropped this nonchalant non-sequitur (paraphrasing) you’ll be fine as long as you don’t associate with N*******. I was quiet and then said, “wait what?” And he repeated himself then laughed. I came to a crossroads I didn’t think I would come to: confronting someone about racism. I am white and am thankfully surrounded by great people (BLM, LGBTQ allies, etc). I knew before this he is Republican but he has said before he thinks more libertarian, like he doesn’t really care what other people do, just don’t take guns and stay out of business. Whatever, you know? But this...this I never expected. Anyway. I came to that crossroads and instead of standing up for what I believe in, I started crying and stumbling over my words. I told him he cannot say that, that it’s a terrible slur, and it really hurt me to hear him say it. He began to really double down and I said ok, this is terrible. I am hanging up.
I hung up and then a barrage of texts came through, calling me a racist to my own people, a n******* lover, stay in my own place because PA doesn’t want n****** loving white bitches. I was numbed. I tried to stand up for myself, telling him that was hurtful, please don’t talk to me like that, please do not speak of others that way. No avail. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d encounter something like this, especially from someone I’ve been emotionally and physically (distanced) intimate with.
Please help me. I am so fucking sad. How do I reckon with this? Can I even?
Tldr; longtime friend/love interest dropped the N-word like it was nothing, and following a short but contentious dialogue, proceeded to call me names and treat me like dirt. I am shocked, saddened, and really just overall stunned.
Source: Plebbit (reddit.com)
## (31 F) Had a relationship ending conversation with a longtime friend/love interest (29 M)
> I had a really disheartening conversation last night.
>
> He lives in western PA. I live in the Southern US. We were MySpace friends way back when and have kept in touch since. There have been mutual romantic feelings but nothing came of it because of the distance. I have a preliminary interview with a company in Philadelphia and asked about moving there and what he knew about cost of living, culture etc. Nice convo, some good info. **Then he just dropped this nonchalant non-sequitur (paraphrasing) you’ll be fine as long as you don’t associate with N\*\*\*\*\*\*\*. I was quiet and then said, “wait what?” And he repeated himself then laughed. I came to a crossroads I didn’t think I would come to: confronting someone about racism. I am white and am thankfully surrounded by great people (BLM, LGBTQ allies, etc).** I knew before this he is Republican but he has said before he thinks more libertarian, like he doesn’t really care what other people do, just don’t take guns and stay out of business. Whatever, you know? But this...this I never expected. Anyway. I came to that crossroads and instead of standing up for what I believe in, I started crying and stumbling over my words. I told him he cannot say that, that it’s a terrible slur, and it really hurt me to hear him say it. He began to really double down and I said ok, this is terrible. I am hanging up.
>
> I hung up and then a barrage of texts came through, calling me a racist to my own people, a n******* lover, stay in my own place because PA doesn’t want n****** loving white bitches. I was numbed. I tried to stand up for myself, telling him that was hurtful, please don’t talk to me like that, please do not speak of others that way. No avail. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d encounter something like this, especially from someone I’ve been emotionally and physically (distanced) intimate with.
>
> Please help me. I am so fucking sad. How do I reckon with this? Can I even?
>
> Tldr; longtime friend/love interest dropped the N-word like it was nothing, and following a short but contentious dialogue, proceeded to call me names and treat me like dirt. I am shocked, saddened, and really just overall stunned.
Source: [Plebbit](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/knehdf/31_f_had_a_relationship_ending_conversation_with/)
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