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174

There's a post on the main page, at this link:

https://archive.is/EdHBD

@wawawhite - I hope I spelled that right - submitted it.

Their post reminded me of a story - but I didn't feel like hijacking their thread, 'cause it is only partially related.

I have a neighbor, and we're going to call him Alfred. No, really... That's his name. His name is Alfred and, don't worry, he doesn't like much tech - so he sure as shit won't be reading Poal.

He's the kind of guy that'd end up in the hospital from a "Chem Trail" potion. I fucking love Alfred! He's awesome as shit.

He's the angriest person I've ever met. After I retired and moved in, it took Alfred several years before he'd actually wave back - and another couple to talk to him.

In the 1960s, he moved to Maine and built himself a cabin in the woods. He's lived there ever since. I don't know much more about his history - I don't ask and he doesn't offer it.

First... I offered to pay for DSL to reach the extra two miles to his house - 'cause it wasn't going to cost that much more.

He yelled at me and told me to get off his property.

He'd heard, in the lingo of the village people, that I'd "worked in tech."

He's actually a brilliant old mechanical engineer and extremely brilliant with regards to metals and materials strength.

Mechanical engineer... Not electrical engineer.

See, from putting bits and pieces together (he hates most of my neighbors and has had his share of altercations with them), I learned that he thought televisions were listening devices.

He knows that, correctly, you can plug a speaker into the microphone jack and that it will, in a fashion, work like a microphone.

Mind you, this was a long time ago. As in, that's true - but there was no actual mechanism to broadcast from a television. Don't make me go into details!

After I finally got him to wave and eventually to talk to me, I told 'em about these newfangled things they called 'smart televisions' and how they're actually able to now do what he used to claim they were able to do.

Which, of course, makes him pleased as punch and has given him something new to rant about - and he's updated his tech without even knowing it! He still doesn't actually understand how the smart television works, but that matters not one bit.

I like Alfred so much that I find excuses to visit him. (He won't visit me - unless he absolutely has to.) I have a PTO driven saw mill - which I realize is a bizarre thing to own - and I lugged it all the way to his house so that he could align the rollers on it. Fucked if I know how to do that. He got out all sorts of old-timey tools and it works right as rain. He built my wood splitter. That hooks up to my tractor - same PTO. It hasn't broken yet - and I can fit a full 48" of log into that fucker. He made it with axles and hydraulic pumps and a giant chunk of steel that he milled into some sort of blade. It doesn't have even an iota of safety built into it. It's awesome.

One thing Alfred does like is print publications - both of the technical variety and the conspiracy variety - as in still in print. I am definitely not going to ask - but I'm betting he believes in chem trails.

Once a month, Alfred dresses up (in a fashion) and goes to a dance - several counties away. At least that's what he says he's doing. I don't actually know what he really does. But, he drives this ancient blue van that he has somehow miraculously kept running. I'm pretty sure it's a '78 Econoline, but don't quote me on that.

He's my neighbor - as such exists in Maine. We drive to our neighbor's houses. Like all my neighbors, he's pretty awesome.

There's a post on the main page, at this link: https://archive.is/EdHBD @wawawhite - I hope I spelled that right - submitted it. Their post reminded me of a story - but I didn't feel like hijacking their thread, 'cause it is only partially related. I have a neighbor, and we're going to call him Alfred. No, really... That's his name. His name is Alfred and, don't worry, he doesn't like much tech - so he sure as shit won't be reading Poal. He's the kind of guy that'd end up in the hospital from a "Chem Trail" potion. I fucking love Alfred! He's awesome as shit. He's the angriest person I've ever met. After I retired and moved in, it took Alfred several years before he'd actually wave back - and another couple to talk to him. In the 1960s, he moved to Maine and built himself a cabin in the woods. He's lived there ever since. I don't know much more about his history - I don't ask and he doesn't offer it. First... I offered to pay for DSL to reach the extra two miles to his house - 'cause it wasn't going to cost that much more. He yelled at me and told me to get off his property. He'd heard, in the lingo of the village people, that I'd "worked in tech." He's actually a brilliant old mechanical engineer and extremely brilliant with regards to metals and materials strength. Mechanical engineer... Not electrical engineer. See, from putting bits and pieces together (he hates most of my neighbors and has had his share of altercations with them), I learned that he thought televisions were listening devices. He knows that, correctly, you can plug a speaker into the microphone jack and that it will, in a fashion, work like a microphone. Mind you, this was a long time ago. As in, that's true - but there was no actual mechanism to broadcast from a television. Don't make me go into details! After I finally got him to wave and eventually to talk to me, I told 'em about these newfangled things they called 'smart televisions' and how they're actually able to now do what he used to claim they were able to do. Which, of course, makes him pleased as punch and has given him something new to rant about - and he's updated his tech without even knowing it! He still doesn't actually understand how the smart television works, but that matters not one bit. I like Alfred so much that I find excuses to visit him. (He won't visit me - unless he absolutely has to.) I have a PTO driven saw mill - which I realize is a bizarre thing to own - and I lugged it all the way to his house so that he could align the rollers on it. Fucked if I know how to do that. He got out all sorts of old-timey tools and it works right as rain. He built my wood splitter. That hooks up to my tractor - same PTO. It hasn't broken yet - and I can fit a full 48" of log into that fucker. He made it with axles and hydraulic pumps and a giant chunk of steel that he milled into some sort of blade. It doesn't have even an iota of safety built into it. It's awesome. One thing Alfred does like is print publications - both of the technical variety and the conspiracy variety - as in still in print. I am definitely not going to ask - but I'm betting he believes in chem trails. Once a month, Alfred dresses up (in a fashion) and goes to a dance - several counties away. At least that's what he says he's doing. I don't actually know what he really does. But, he drives this ancient blue van that he has somehow miraculously kept running. I'm pretty sure it's a '78 Econoline, but don't quote me on that. He's my neighbor - as such exists in Maine. We drive to our neighbor's houses. Like all my neighbors, he's pretty awesome.

(post is archived)

[–] 1 pt

Shit yeah! That is a few level above what I've thought of for myself (hand tractor type) but same idea.

Now I'm picturing you as the guy who stole a tank and drove it around! LOL!

[–] 1 pt

Dude...

It's getting late, but I gotta tell you the rest.

I own an excavator. Like, not just my backhoe - but I own a giant working excavator. It came with the farm! It's a Cat, but I don't know the model number offhand. I's a big fucker and I can kinda use it.

Much to my surprise, the top spins around on 'em amazingly fast. Like, far faster than they show professionals moving 'em - but there's a video where the open boom is being used to propel a water skier behind them.

They literally drove their excavator into the water and then swung the top around fast enough to water ski behind it. They even made a video - and I've never met them. I'm pretty sure they were Russians.

Anyhow...

Fuck that...

Imagine a 1982 Dodge Omni.

Imagine a length of chain with a cabled quick release.

Now, attach 'em both to the bucket.

I bet I could chuck a fucking car with it.

However, I'm not completely sure that it'd withstand the torque stresses and I really, really don't think it'd be prudent to break it.

Still, I'm pretty sure I can chuck a car with an excavator. It's just REALLY expensive if I seriously break it. Also, they kind of use it - pretty much every few days, sometimes more often. I'm also pretty sure insurance isn't going to cover it.

[–] 1 pt

You just need the right group of friends to come over with some weed and beer and plenty of cameras. Add a Russian or two for spice.

[–] 0 pt

Pretty much the only thing I'm lacking is a Dodge Omni. I do have an old Saab with a blown engine.

I got a fucking tractor, I can drag that fucker straight down the road. There are no cops in my neighborhood. If there are, they're not going to bug me. They'll see me dragging a Saab down the road and know that I'm on a mission - plus, I have a tractor. If you have a tractor, the cop can't pull you over unless you let him.