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There's a post on the main page, at this link:

https://archive.is/EdHBD

@wawawhite - I hope I spelled that right - submitted it.

Their post reminded me of a story - but I didn't feel like hijacking their thread, 'cause it is only partially related.

I have a neighbor, and we're going to call him Alfred. No, really... That's his name. His name is Alfred and, don't worry, he doesn't like much tech - so he sure as shit won't be reading Poal.

He's the kind of guy that'd end up in the hospital from a "Chem Trail" potion. I fucking love Alfred! He's awesome as shit.

He's the angriest person I've ever met. After I retired and moved in, it took Alfred several years before he'd actually wave back - and another couple to talk to him.

In the 1960s, he moved to Maine and built himself a cabin in the woods. He's lived there ever since. I don't know much more about his history - I don't ask and he doesn't offer it.

First... I offered to pay for DSL to reach the extra two miles to his house - 'cause it wasn't going to cost that much more.

He yelled at me and told me to get off his property.

He'd heard, in the lingo of the village people, that I'd "worked in tech."

He's actually a brilliant old mechanical engineer and extremely brilliant with regards to metals and materials strength.

Mechanical engineer... Not electrical engineer.

See, from putting bits and pieces together (he hates most of my neighbors and has had his share of altercations with them), I learned that he thought televisions were listening devices.

He knows that, correctly, you can plug a speaker into the microphone jack and that it will, in a fashion, work like a microphone.

Mind you, this was a long time ago. As in, that's true - but there was no actual mechanism to broadcast from a television. Don't make me go into details!

After I finally got him to wave and eventually to talk to me, I told 'em about these newfangled things they called 'smart televisions' and how they're actually able to now do what he used to claim they were able to do.

Which, of course, makes him pleased as punch and has given him something new to rant about - and he's updated his tech without even knowing it! He still doesn't actually understand how the smart television works, but that matters not one bit.

I like Alfred so much that I find excuses to visit him. (He won't visit me - unless he absolutely has to.) I have a PTO driven saw mill - which I realize is a bizarre thing to own - and I lugged it all the way to his house so that he could align the rollers on it. Fucked if I know how to do that. He got out all sorts of old-timey tools and it works right as rain. He built my wood splitter. That hooks up to my tractor - same PTO. It hasn't broken yet - and I can fit a full 48" of log into that fucker. He made it with axles and hydraulic pumps and a giant chunk of steel that he milled into some sort of blade. It doesn't have even an iota of safety built into it. It's awesome.

One thing Alfred does like is print publications - both of the technical variety and the conspiracy variety - as in still in print. I am definitely not going to ask - but I'm betting he believes in chem trails.

Once a month, Alfred dresses up (in a fashion) and goes to a dance - several counties away. At least that's what he says he's doing. I don't actually know what he really does. But, he drives this ancient blue van that he has somehow miraculously kept running. I'm pretty sure it's a '78 Econoline, but don't quote me on that.

He's my neighbor - as such exists in Maine. We drive to our neighbor's houses. Like all my neighbors, he's pretty awesome.

There's a post on the main page, at this link: https://archive.is/EdHBD @wawawhite - I hope I spelled that right - submitted it. Their post reminded me of a story - but I didn't feel like hijacking their thread, 'cause it is only partially related. I have a neighbor, and we're going to call him Alfred. No, really... That's his name. His name is Alfred and, don't worry, he doesn't like much tech - so he sure as shit won't be reading Poal. He's the kind of guy that'd end up in the hospital from a "Chem Trail" potion. I fucking love Alfred! He's awesome as shit. He's the angriest person I've ever met. After I retired and moved in, it took Alfred several years before he'd actually wave back - and another couple to talk to him. In the 1960s, he moved to Maine and built himself a cabin in the woods. He's lived there ever since. I don't know much more about his history - I don't ask and he doesn't offer it. First... I offered to pay for DSL to reach the extra two miles to his house - 'cause it wasn't going to cost that much more. He yelled at me and told me to get off his property. He'd heard, in the lingo of the village people, that I'd "worked in tech." He's actually a brilliant old mechanical engineer and extremely brilliant with regards to metals and materials strength. Mechanical engineer... Not electrical engineer. See, from putting bits and pieces together (he hates most of my neighbors and has had his share of altercations with them), I learned that he thought televisions were listening devices. He knows that, correctly, you can plug a speaker into the microphone jack and that it will, in a fashion, work like a microphone. Mind you, this was a long time ago. As in, that's true - but there was no actual mechanism to broadcast from a television. Don't make me go into details! After I finally got him to wave and eventually to talk to me, I told 'em about these newfangled things they called 'smart televisions' and how they're actually able to now do what he used to claim they were able to do. Which, of course, makes him pleased as punch and has given him something new to rant about - and he's updated his tech without even knowing it! He still doesn't actually understand how the smart television works, but that matters not one bit. I like Alfred so much that I find excuses to visit him. (He won't visit me - unless he absolutely has to.) I have a PTO driven saw mill - which I realize is a bizarre thing to own - and I lugged it all the way to his house so that he could align the rollers on it. Fucked if I know how to do that. He got out all sorts of old-timey tools and it works right as rain. He built my wood splitter. That hooks up to my tractor - same PTO. It hasn't broken yet - and I can fit a full 48" of log into that fucker. He made it with axles and hydraulic pumps and a giant chunk of steel that he milled into some sort of blade. It doesn't have even an iota of safety built into it. It's awesome. One thing Alfred does like is print publications - both of the technical variety and the conspiracy variety - as in still in print. I am definitely not going to ask - but I'm betting he believes in chem trails. Once a month, Alfred dresses up (in a fashion) and goes to a dance - several counties away. At least that's what he says he's doing. I don't actually know what he really does. But, he drives this ancient blue van that he has somehow miraculously kept running. I'm pretty sure it's a '78 Econoline, but don't quote me on that. He's my neighbor - as such exists in Maine. We drive to our neighbor's houses. Like all my neighbors, he's pretty awesome.

(post is archived)

[–] 1 pt

and I can fit a full 48" of log into that fucker.

Holy shit.

[–] 0 pt

I knew someone'd appreciate that detail!

Nobody has yet asked why I have that.

[–] 1 pt

Well to split humans in half obviously.

I'm at a loss now. I can't think of a reason to have four foot staves. A strange wood fired stove crossed my mind, but that would be exceedingly weird. And after that I couldn't think of any actual good reason to split logs in four foot lengths. A HUGE fireplace is about the best I've got. And that doesn't hold much water. No real idea. Youre breeding an army of Ginormorous beavers against the Pinocchio zombie apocalypse or some shit.

[–] 1 pt

There are a few homes around me that are equipped to burn 48" wood, and some businesses. Including one guy that has it set on a wonky thermostat and chain drive that brings wood into a hopper to heat his home, hot water, and provide forced hot air to his garage.

No... It's not for them.

In fact, I can't go above about 24" in my fireplace.

Inside...

I have, however, thrown some pretty epic parties. The 48" logs get stacked up near the fire pit, split in half or quarters so that we can hurl them fuckers right into the fire.

I can split beech or birch, even. It rips through those like they're nothing. If you remind me next spring, I'll get either some video or some pictures. It's one of my most prized possessions!

[–] 0 pt

Need video. Not that I don't believe you, I just want to see it.

[–] 1 pt

Oops... One wa.

@wawhite

[–] 1 pt

Lol you forgot the 13

[–] 2 pts

Do I need to explain it with more than "weed" as an answer? (I hope not!)

[–] 2 pts

That pretty much covers it

[–] 1 pt

Alfred would be pissed that you basically just went & told the government about him in detail.

[–] 0 pt

I'm so gonna tell him that.

He's absolutely awesome.

[–] 1 pt

Your PTO setup - is that like one of those push tractors with various attachments?

[–] 0 pt

Like it? Yes, it's like it. At least it functions the same - but it's probably quite a bit bigger than what you're thinking of. My heaviest implement is probably the backhoe. There's no pushing it. If you hit it with your car, it's not gonna move much.

https://www.zuidbergna.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Kubota-L60-33.jpg

It's a tractor. The PTO is where many of the implements hook up - but you can attach things like a bucket, bailing spike, blade, etc to the front. I only have the bucket for the front.

[–] 1 pt

Ah ok got it I think. Like a tractor with attachments, but bigger and fixed in place. Damn, that's very cool! Have always wanted one of those setups with all the attachments like log saw, woodchipper etc.

Cool that you have a neighbor who can fix it up for you.

[–] 0 pt

They're not fixed in place - permanently. I can swap 'em out, and do.

For example, I hop on my tractor and zoom right through the woods. My tractor is an L6060, so I've got climate control and a beer holder. I've even got music.

I go to the farm and I hook up to the shit spreader. (That is one of the things I can attach.) You know, like a giant shit spreader that you see 'em taking out into the fields? I hook that up, drive it over, zoom around in a small backhoe, and fill the spreader with shit.

I then drive it up the road - 'cause it's now got a shit spreader attached and I really don't want to drive that through the woods. (It's a pretty good trail but I like fucking with tourists.)

I then drive my tractor, at like 10 MPH, right down the fucking road.

Pulling a shit spreader full of shit.

I then spread shit where my garden is going to be. Later, I go back and put furrows into it, 'cause I got a fucking tractor!

I have tractorin' stories! I fucking love my tractor.

[–] 0 pt

I know a gentleman like this, or at least sort of like this, he is a big conspiracy theorist I enjoy listening to him rant from time to time, the moon is hollow. He is absolutely sure of it. I have his computer he is sure aliens hacked into to delete his pictures. I'm going to recover his pictures whatever that takes and give it back to him, but I doubt I'll be able to convince him it wasn't aliens. He also has no marketable skills so to speak anymore he was a flooring guy and his body is broken.

[–] 1 pt

I tell people it was aliens, all the time.

When I want to really confuse 'em on Voat, I just say, (((Aliens))).

[–] 1 pt

Well clearly you are talking about illegal Jewish immigrants from the hollow moon right?

[–] 0 pt

No, I'm not actually talking about anything when I do that. I just use it as an excuse to blame aliens and claim that aliens are horrible rapists from across the universe. I can go on about that for hours, depending on my mood.