It was more me doubting my memory. It's amazing how the training stays with you - but it was training that's beaten into you with repetition and continued exercises until it becomes 'second nature'. You train like you fight, you fight like you train. To be clear, I've never had to kill anyone attacking me with a knife. And, you can point your firearm at things you're *willing* to kill - not necessarily *intend* to kill. To use police as an example, they're willing to kill but don't actually intend to kill. They'll kill if they must (assuming an ideal and just world). The firearm safety about 'intend to kill' is bogus when you're in the military or I suppose if you're a cop. I have kinda spoken about my military service in public on Voat or Poal. It's not something I talk about often, outside of some basic information and a few amusing stories. I was unfortunate enough to experience combat. There's a slim chance that I've taken a life. It's a pretty slim chance, but it's possible. In several instances, I laid down covering fire. Those fuckers could see my head for the briefest of seconds and then it was back under cover so that I knew which way to shoot! LOL I was scared. Fear didn't seem to matter. I did what I was trained to do. (My internet decided it was time for a break. I'm still perfectly okay with this.)