That’s not supposed to be funny.

If we could exhume George Orwell and hook a couple cables up to both ends of him we could have an unlimited source of free energy based on how fast he’s spinning in his grave.

Boomer-tier humor towards the end but still good nonetheless.

Hey, I remember this email from 2005. Of course they updated some names in this version.

If you want a book based on this theme roughly, have a read of The Circle by Dave Eggars. I think they made a movie of it, but the movie was probably shit.

This is hardly an exaggeration. Their profile of you typically doesn’t have any official records, but with what they harvest from your web searches, web browsing, emails, etc. they are able to predict things about your behaviour that even you might not be able to.

CALLER: hello I'd like to order a pizza.

MODERN PIZZA RESTAURANT: which of the 6500 genders are you to complete your order? We need at least 14 pronouns for your account.

CALLER: they/them/this/was/xi/xen/xolo/zibi/ze/him/her/wet/dry/shallow/deep?

MODERN PIZZA RESTAURANT: please wait while we verify your pronouns. Stay on hold for 45 minutes and enjoy this speech by Admiral Richard Levine the newest 4 star commander of binary sexuality while you wait during our new Biden gender identity verification program processes who you are.

fuck alphabet people

The person on the other line isn’t even human. It’s a speech bot with an Indian accent.