A lolbertarians dream | Poal: Say what you want.

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I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief. “Bad news, detective. We got a situation.” “What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?” “Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.” The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?” “Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.” “Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.” He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.” “Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.” I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside. “Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t. “Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up. “Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?” It didn’t seem like they did. “Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.” Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing. I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it. “Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled. Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him. “Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen. I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!” He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose. “All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.” “Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy. “Because I was afraid.” “Afraid?” “Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.” I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head. “Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.” He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

[–] • 0 pt

(edited )

I was literally laughing out loud while my bitch, Siri, was reading me this.

In real life though… the people who think we should live under some form of dogmatic conservative Christian theocracy are equally as retarded. I am a libertarian, but it doesn't mean that I believe we should live in an absolute libertarian fantasy world. It just means that I believe in a lot less government than what we currently have and a lot less laws, and very little taxes.

I don't know what the exact equation is, and I don't know when (if at any point) there was a great example of what I'm describing in the history of our country. I don't know where the line should be drawn exactly, but I think we can all agree that what we are experiencing now is definitely very far on the statist side of that line.

For those who make fun of libertarians, you have to also at least acknowledge the fact that, in the current system, we have a government with the kind of power that you would want, except that you would want it to be conservative instead of communist. But guess what, when the government has the power, it doesn't fucking matter what you want. That's why we have communism coming. This is the whole reason why libertarianism is A better model; if there is less government and less restrictions, everybody can have something a little closer to what they want without breaking what everybody else wants. As ridiculous as it may seem, I would be fully on board with some group of people creating their own communist utopia within the United States, as long as membership to such utopia was completely optional and they did not have the legal right or authority to subjugate anybody else's property rights who did not want to take part in this. You might think that's a slippery slope, but just think about it for a minute; all the people who think they want to be communist only want to be communist because they have the power to take your shit away, because of the government. Take away the government power and none of those people would want to live in squalor in their own shit hole. The only reason for shitty ideologies is centralized power.

There is no example in history of some meritless ideology that somehow excelled without the ability to kill people and/or take their things.

Don't fucking give the government the ability to take your shit and they won't fucking take your shit.

Now, all that said, I do very clearly understand how and why people come to the conclusion that we need some kind of conservative Christian government, because it seems that in the absence of such, some other form of hierarchical society will evolve and subsume the former. However, a powerful military and system of laws that are based on some principles that could be described as Christian (E.g. don't kill, rape, steal, molest, etc.) does not require a theocracy or big government. Our current military budget is massive only because of the corruption and waste, just take a look at how efficiently we spent during World War II, when we built more planes in five years than all of the world has built in the 70 years sense. Having a system of basic laws and a military force which can protect the sovereignty of this system, and a very small amount of hierarchical government to manage the rest still fits well within the framework of what most libertarians would like to see, as well as satisfying most of the desires that a conservative would like to see. Conversely, creating a big government will lead to communism no matter what.

I was literally laughing out loud while my bitch, Siri, was reading me this. In real life though… the people who think we should live under some form of dogmatic conservative Christian theocracy are equally as retarded. I am a libertarian, but it doesn't mean that I believe we should live in an absolute libertarian fantasy world. It just means that I believe in a lot less government than what we currently have and a lot less laws, and very little taxes. I don't know what the exact equation is, and I don't know when (if at any point) there was a great example of what I'm describing in the history of our country. I don't know where the line should be drawn exactly, but I think we can all agree that what we are experiencing now is definitely very far on the statist side of that line. For those who make fun of libertarians, you have to also at least acknowledge the fact that, in the current system, we have a government with the kind of power that you would want, except that you would want it to be conservative instead of communist. But guess what, when the government has the power, it doesn't fucking matter what you want. That's why we have communism coming. This is the whole reason why libertarianism is A better model; if there is less government and less restrictions, everybody can have something a little closer to what they want without breaking what everybody else wants. As ridiculous as it may seem, I would be fully on board with some group of people creating their own communist utopia within the United States, as long as membership to such utopia was completely optional and they did not have the legal right or authority to subjugate anybody else's property rights who did not want to take part in this. You might think that's a slippery slope, but just think about it for a minute; all the people who think they want to be communist only want to be communist because they have the power to take your shit away, because of the government. Take away the government power and none of those people would want to live in squalor in their own shit hole. The only reason for shitty ideologies is centralized power. There is no example in history of some meritless ideology that somehow excelled without the ability to kill people and/or take their things. Don't fucking give the government the ability to take your shit and they won't fucking take your shit. Now, all that said, I do very clearly understand how and why people come to the conclusion that we need some kind of conservative Christian government, because it seems that in the absence of such, some other form of hierarchical society will evolve and subsume the former. However, a powerful military and system of laws that are based on some principles that could be described as Christian (E.g. don't kill, rape, steal, molest, etc.) does not require a theocracy or big government. Our current military budget is massive only because of the corruption and waste, just take a look at how efficiently we spent during World War II, when we built more planes in five years than all of the world has built in the 70 years sense. Having a system of basic laws and a military force which can protect the sovereignty of this system, and a very small amount of hierarchical government to manage the rest still fits well within the framework of what most libertarians would like to see, as well as satisfying most of the desires that a conservative would like to see. Conversely, creating a big government will lead to communism no matter what.

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[–] • 0 pt

lol too long didn't read!

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[–] • 0 pt

Nah nah, read it; I read your post.

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