For a primer on what this sort of dysfunctional family is like I strongly suggest going on youtube and looking up family scapegoating. You grow up in a world where suddenly, at a very young age you are deemed the bad guy because you say exactly what you are thinking as an innocent child. Then you gradually take on the role of family scapegoat where every problem becomes your fault. Nothing you can do will make them happy and even doing well gets you in more trouble while the others can literally get away with everything next to murder you are the evil one if you resist and fight back. It's a crazy world and yes, when a person finally wakes up and walks away, it's like walking out from a grim dark world of constant anxiety to fresh air and sunshine. You never want to go back. And if you do get lonely and go back, it all starts up again and you just leave, thinking, 'why was I so stupid, what did I expect?'. Of course, I am speaking of myself. Early on, working on construction crews I saw a bit of it but nothing like at home and I was already prepped to know what I was seeing and how to stand up for myself. Normal people don't do that sort of stuff within a family. Of course, I realize I'll never be calm cool and collected like people that didn't grow up in that environment but at least I know what should be normal.