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795

It knocked my power out for a week. I was on Poal at the time trying to keep you all updated when a giant branch broke through my window and crashed directly into my keyboard. It broke three of my niggers I mean fingers. Most of you don't even care, but it was hell on earth here in Florida. Two fucking feet of rain. Two fucking feet. More. Like 27 inches. You know what that is in snow? If it was snow, you'd all be dead under a half mile of snow. Hey, AOU... remember that ounce of silver I buried near the Saint Johns River? That motherfucker is 5 feet over flood ..it's up to your fucking ass neck. You can toss that treasure map out right now. All of the palm trees are stripped bare. My lizards are in shock. Hiding. My lawn is covered in a thick layer of Spanish Moss and broken branches. I don't know if I can make it. It's pretty rough, bro. My milk went sour. I had to cook a pound of bacon on the grill. That's not easy. It's harder than you think. I had to use palm fronds and Spanish Moss for fuel. I ran out of toilet paper like 6 hours into the storm. What am I supposed to do now? This is a nightmare.

It knocked my power out for a week. I was on Poal at the time trying to keep you all updated when a giant branch broke through my window and crashed directly into my keyboard. It broke three of my niggers I mean fingers. Most of you don't even care, but it was hell on earth here in Florida. Two fucking feet of rain. Two fucking feet. More. Like 27 inches. You know what that is in snow? If it was snow, you'd all be dead under a half mile of snow. Hey, AOU... remember that ounce of silver I buried near the Saint Johns River? That motherfucker is 5 feet over flood ..it's up to your fucking ass neck. You can toss that treasure map out right now. All of the palm trees are stripped bare. My lizards are in shock. Hiding. My lawn is covered in a thick layer of Spanish Moss and broken branches. I don't know if I can make it. It's pretty rough, bro. My milk went sour. I had to cook a pound of bacon on the grill. That's not easy. It's harder than you think. I had to use palm fronds and Spanish Moss for fuel. I ran out of toilet paper like 6 hours into the storm. What am I supposed to do now? This is a nightmare.

(post is archived)

[–] • 5 pts

I ran out of toilet paper like 6 hours into the storm. What am I supposed to do now?

I suggest more palm fronds.

[–] • 0 pt

Next post

Now my toilet is backing into the bathtub.

[–] • 3 pts

You have any idea what a paragraph break is?

[–] • 0 pt

I think it's \n right? Or is it &nbsp? Wait, was it %2f? Fuck, I don't remember any more.

[–] • 1 pt

I know, we're doing storm work down there. Terrible damage.

[–] • 1 pt

That is a normal occurrence there.

[–] • 1 pt

That's what happens when you don't shoot at hurricanes.

[–] • 1 pt

Definitely don't use Spanish moss for TP

[–] • 3 pts

But but but that's my only resource. Spanish moss is like mana from heaven. You can eat it, make tea, soup. There's broiled spanish moss, fried spanish moss, sautéed spanish moss, spanish moss burgers, spanish moss filets, steamed spanish moss, spanish moss with butter, oven baked spanish moss, grilled spanish moss, deep fried spanish moss, spanish moss with branches, raw spanish moss, spanish moss and spam, grilled spam and spanish moss, spanish moss cutlets, spanish moss fricassee, you can microwave it with toilet paper, there's smoked spanish moss, spanish moss stew, spanish moss wings, spanish moss nuggets I mean niggers, boneless spanish moss, spanish moss à la king, deep fried spanish moss, and... and... well, I guess that's about it.

[–] • 1 pt

It also has red bugs in it

[–] • 1 pt

OH! You know about the red bugs, huh? Shhhh... Keep that shit quiet. We don't want to scare away the normies.

[–] • 1 pt

The coastline from Clearwater and going South totality f'd. The wind managed to snap trees up to an hour drive inland into Tampa.

[–] • 1 pt

I put on a suit and tie and took a full bottle of Suplex out on the front lawn folding chair and watched that bitch howl. It was cool as hell.

[–] [deleted] • 0 pt

Did a tree really break your ningers?

[–] • 0 pt (edited )

The storm was so bad a bum in key west lost his boat he was living on and needed just a few dollars from a passing tourist (I'm sure).

[–] • 0 pt

See, if you all bought electric cars there would never be another storm. Your typing is pretty good considering your ningers are in little casts.

[–] • 0 pt

I mean, you choose to live in Florida.